Ever seen anyone in a film who is supposed to be English but sounds Australian? Or Is supposed to be Irish but just sounds drunk?
Here are 10 examples of some such poor attempts. (Dick Van Dyke in Mary Poppins taken as read). 16/08/08
10. "We Will Dine With My Father In Noddingham!" Robin Hood : Prince Of Thieves (1991)
I know what you are thinking, surely I cant put Kevin Costner in this list as he doesn't do an accent.
But that is why, he is in this top 10 because he couldn't be arsed, and that is impressive in itself!
9. "I've Gone And Caught A Sniffle!!" Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade (1989)
Harrison Ford, bless him, he is brilliant and every one my age (including me) holds him very dear to their heart, having seen him play 2 of the biggest screen heroes when we were all growing up. But, fuck me, what is this supposed to be? Scottish? Really???
8. "Comradessssh, Thish Ish Your Captain" The Hunt For Red October (1990)
Again, for partly the same reason Kevin Costner is in this list, the "could not be arsed" clause in the contract.
Sean Connery is a Russian submarine commander, you know, those special ones that they have in Russia that command their submarines, Scottish ones.
7. "Never Look In The Eyes Of Dose You Keel" Anaconda (1997)
Jon Voight, he play a Mexican or something. It is like he has fallen "overboard" and someone has told him that he is a) Constipated and b) Me-hi-can. He is so shambolically bad that it cannot be serious.
6. "You Look Like A Woman You Stupid Haggas" Highlander (1986)
Let's see, you need to cast someone to play a Scotsman and an Egyptian.
Hmmm, let me think...
What about a Scotsman playing the Egyptian, and a Frenchman playing the Scotsman? Brilliant!!!
5. "Which Blake Sorvives" Tango & Cash (1989)
Brion James was one of those actors that was in EVERYTHING, he was good at playing slime-balls and when he got older moved into playing anything and everything in pretty much every film made.
But in Tango & Cash (one of the best films ever made by the way) he is supposed to be playing an evil English guy, but, it would appear he is auditioning for Crocodile Dundee 3.
4. "It's Cauz I Called 'im Cap'n" My Fair Lady (1964)
People always mention poor old Dick Van Dyke when they talk about the English accent being murdered, but may I present a Bonnie to his Clyde...
3. "Woah, I Know The Undead" Bram Stoker's Dracula (1992)
All hail Keanu, he has the amazing power to seem permanently stoned and possesses a sarcastic tone that I am sure he cannot help, bless him.
There are a few reasons as to why I never want to watch this film again, but the main one is Keanu's "possessed by and channelling oak" performance.
That is more powerful and useful than sucking blood. (Though I did want a full transfusion after seeing his attempt at sounding English to purify myself).
This is the 21st Century Dick Van Dyke.
Don Cheadle is a great actor, but in these films I think he decided to have a holiday. His accent is one of the worst (But not THE worst) I have ever seen on film, it would be like an English actor cast to play Truman Capote and doing a bad John Wayne impression all the way through, yes, that's right, shit!
AND FINALLY...
1. Begorrah! The Jackal (1997)
Good grief, where to begin with this one?
Is he really supposed to be Irish? He sounds like he has just had dental surgery and the numbness is still wearing off.
What was Richard Gere thinking? He can barely act with his normal voice, never mind trying to sound like Jimmy Cricket in a tumble-dryer.
Comments about This Article
Just watching Con Air. Nicholas Cage surely #1.
"Put the bunny back in the box."
Woeful. Comment By: Messers, 28 Sep 2011, Rating: 3/5
Ray Winstone in the departed...oh dear lord no Comment By: Joe, 06 Jun 2011, Rating: 5/5
It does say at the top "Dick Van Dyke taken as read". Comment By: Ted, 25 Apr 2011, Rating: 5/5
dick van dyke in mary poppins anyone Comment By: damo marshall, 24 Apr 2011, Rating: 0/5
It would have been even more stupid for Costner to attempt a modern English Regional Accent. Elizabethan English would have sounded more American so can we be sure about how they spoke in 12th century Nottignham? Using his own voice was wholly m ore sensible Comment By: Foxy, 16 Mar 2011, Rating: 3/5
Gerard Butler in PS I Love You. hahaha. Sounded like Billy Connelly imitating Liam Neeson whilst waiting for the Novocane to wear off at the dentist office. Comment By: Kelly McLaughlin, 27 Feb 2011, Rating: 1/5
Nonsense Comment By: Sal, 29 Dec 2010, Rating: 0/5
Russell Crowe's non stop tour of the British isles in the new Robin Hood, northern, southern, welsh, scottish, irish, cornish, he manages to do them all before realising half way through that he's crap at accents, and spends the second half of the film being the infamous Sir Robin of Wellington (New Zealand) for all you who're rubbish at geography. Comment By: Jim, 22 Dec 2010, Rating: 3/5
Lisa Marie in Mars Attacks.
You call that a Martian accent? Comment By: Mr Underhill, 19 Dec 2010, Rating: 0/5
Indys accent was supposded to sound unconvincing in that scene. he is called out two seconds after that clip Comment By: Crawford, 11 Aug 2010, Rating: 2/5
What about Claire Danes in that film about the attacks in London. Denzil Washington in Queen and Counrty, Forrest Whittaker in Crying Game. British producers out there. Get British actors not American ones Comment By: Gary Hunt, 18 Apr 2010, Rating: 1/5
How about Robin Williams's perfect Scottish accent in Mrs Doubtfire? Unfortunately the character was supposed to be Irish. Comment By: Kevin, 02 Feb 2010, Rating: 1/5
Robert Duvall in A Shot At Glory. Got to be the worst Scottish accent ever... Comment By: Lester Freaman, 07 Nov 2009, Rating: 0/5
Jason Statham.
Particularly in The Transporter, his accent starts off vaguely American but after about ten minutes he just stops trying. brilliant. Comment By: jimbo, 26 Jul 2009, Rating: 5/5
I would have said Kevin Costner in the movie "Thirteen Days" Comment By: Eric, 11 Apr 2009, Rating: 2/5
I like very much being here in Los Angeles, Offeecer Reeegs Comment By: Rika van den Haas, 01 Oct 2008, Rating: 4/5
I also enjoyed Danny Glovers' new accent in 'The Shooter'. It was so disctracting I was un-able to concentrate on the film and have had to watch it many times. Comment By: Lego Indiana Jones, 21 Aug 2008, Rating: 5/5
Dear Brad,
I'm afraid I was only considering actors.
Ted Comment By: Ted Bonobo, 16 Aug 2008, Rating: 5/5
you seem to have missed out Patsy Kensit's amazing South African accent in Lethal Weapon 2 Comment By: Brad Kilnker, 12 Aug 2008, Rating: 1/5
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