We've reflected on the positives, now let's look at those negatives... 16/08/08
After Batman Returns there were so many rumours about a spin-off Catwoman film.
From Michelle Pfeiffer to...well, that was one anyway.
Tragically they chose to cast Halle "Kiss of Death" Berry as a cat.
Remember, she has ruined Bond, X-Men and now Catwoman.
9. Fantastic Four
I was never really a fan of the 4.
The Thing and Johnny Storm are clearly the best of the bunch, so the idea of seeing them both on film is an exciting one.
Sue Storm and Mr Fantastic suck balls in my opinion. I cant think of any situation in which a stretchy bloke would be handy, apart from getting your car keys out of a drain.
As for her going invisible, well, that power is clearly wasted on a logical woman, that is the ideal power for a man-perv.
This is such a half baked, mis-cast, poorly pieced together mess it isn't even worth talking about...shit.
You know, Daredevil is the scourge of all criminals in Hell's Kitchen, he jumps from roof-top to roof-top and puts the fear of god into all that see him.
As a youth he lost his sight in a radioactive accident that also drastically heightened his remaining senses and gave him a "radar-sense" allowing him to perceive his surroundings. His public identity is Matt Murdock, a successful attorney-at-law.
So, how does this work on film?
In a leather pant-suit?
This is a bit of a stinker to be honest.
Matt Murdock swans around in his wonderful haircut with the horn permanently, trying to kop off with Elektra, played by the now Mrs Douchebag. When he puts on the disco suit he is jumping about and relying on special effects.
This film isn't retarded, it's borderline retarded.
Like when Elektra is killed by Bulls(Japs)Eye and then gets a spin off film.
Hmm, let's read that again.
Yea, a dead character gets a spin off!
Is it like Weekend At Bernie's? Sadly, it isn't even that good.
Colin Farrell once again displays that he is a full time flop merchant that seems to be only capable of trudging around in shit.
Ang Lee decided that Hulk should be half melodrama half comic book. Sadly, he forgot to include any interesting or logical elements of story telling.
6. Batman Forever
I was a fan of the Burton films when I was younger.
Now, I can see they have more flaws than Canary Wharf.
When I heard he wasn't doing Forever I was annoyed, when I saw that Danny Elfman wasn't coming back I was livid.
When I watched it I was not surprised at how disappointing it turned out to be.
It is a sorry return to the camp factor of Batman, and was the first half of the many nails in the coffin.
I am choosing not to include Batman & Robin in this list as we all know how stinky that is and frankly, it didn't disappoint with its shit smell.
So, therefore it was not a disappointment.
5. Superman III
When you make a mis-step it is a good idea to rectify it as soon as possible in my opinion.
So, you fire Richard Donner and bring in a guy with no vision and who seems to be more interested in comedy, but you get away with it as Superman 2 had good villains (Though the weird throwing "S" will always confuse me)
So, for Superman 3, you should really make it better than the first 2 right?
Wrong, what you do is cast Richard Pryor and base the film around him, it is best to do that.
That would be like Christopher Nolan basing the next Batman film solely around Chris Rock.
Anyway, apart from Superman Vs. Clark Kent, it sucked and disappointed me as a 6 year old, I tell you that.
4. X-Men 3 : The Last Stand
Terrible, lazy and dim-witted.
The "revenge" film.
20th Century Fox found out that Bryan Singer was going to make Superman Returns for Warner Brothers and come back to do X3, so, what is the natural thing to do? Yea, that's right, have him frog marched off of the lot and hire the guy who made Layer Cake to continue Singer's vision.
When the guy who made Layer Cake sees sense and leaves (Though why they didn't ask him to take Vinnie Jones with him is a mystery) why not hire that hack who made the Rush Hour films, you know, that amazing film series that everyone loves.
Then, when Halle (rubbish) Berry says she wont return unless she has a bigger part, why not write her out and make the whole saga more interesting? Who the fuck cares about Storm? She is rubbish, I would rather have She-Woman-Cat-Type-Thing from Harry Enfield's Palace of Righteous Justice.
Anyway, so they rushed it to beat Singer's Superman to the theatres, and boy does it show. It stinks to high heaven alright.
3. Superman IV : The Quest For Peace
I went to see this film as a 10 year old and even then I was confused by the structure of the film.
No wonder really, what with it being edited to death and important plot details lying on the cutting room floor.
Though, the fact remains that even if it had stayed intact, it would still be shit, shit and more shit.
Too many things wrong with this film to go into, plus, many people have covered it already such as -
This is as clear a sign there is that Raimi was not in charge of this film.
Rumour has it he only wanted to feature Sandman as the villain and was then given Venom orders at the 11th hour as the studio smelled merchandise.
So many plot holes, what a shame, when they left the guy alone he delivered, will they ever learn? Nope.
1. Superman Returns
Well, what an anti climax...
This was such a crushing disappointment to me when it came out.
It had none of the charm of the Superman films it was desperately trying to ape, the dreariest soundtrack ever heard and the worst Lois Lane committed to celluloid. Rather than filling you with glee and excitement it felt like one long advert for Prozac.
Remember, "hey kids, Superman can get depressed too"
Not in my film he cant fuck biscuit!
You know it is a lame Superhero film when there is only really one sequence of any kind of note. The shuttle sequence, although great looking, is a limp dick, and that is the best action sequence in the film really.
The CGI in this film is far too dominant, to the point that they couldn't even be bothered to film a boat on the ocean, no, it is a CGI boat on a CGI ocean, does it look real? Nope.
Little wonder then that this film cost 200 million dollars, yes, that's right, 200 million dollars.
I think Lord of the Rings cost that much for all 3, let's think about that for a moment.
The look of the film is also terrible, everything seems washed of colour and, well, for want of a better word, shit.
I have no problem with Brandon Routh, he was fine, he was a good Clark Kent, but sadly, he rarely got to play Superman in this film and when he did put the costume on he had little or nothing to say or do. You are rarely excited by anything he does or says, plus, it looks to me that he was just told to do a Christopher Reeve impression.
Lois Lane in this film is no longer a ballsy reporter with an eye for a scoop who is one of the guys and gives as good as she gets, no. She is now a walking Barbie doll in a bad wig, who looks about 9, great well done there.
Don't even get me started on the idea of Superman having a son, what a shite idea, really bad, immediately painting the franchise into a corner, stupid twats.
I hope they get it right next time, but for now I am reminded of Tim Bisley from the show Spaced, standing over his burning Star Wars stuff looking hollow inside. I felt that same way when I came out of this miserable, depressing and dull film.
Superman Returns? Don't bother pal.
Comments about This Article
TYESl3 Way cool! Some extremely valid points! I appreciate you writing this post plus the rest of the website is extremely good. Comment By: mike tyson, 05 Mar 2017, Rating: 1/5
hrOe4K The account aided me a applicable deal. I had been tiny bit acquainted of this your broadcast offered shiny Comment By: useful reference, 31 Jan 2017, Rating: 2/5
eqVXZs In fact, the most effective issue about this film is how excellent it is actually as an epic quest film instead of how hilarious it as. Comment By: suba hentai, 26 Nov 2016, Rating: 3/5
zlTziU they feature hyperfuse construction for a virtually seamless, durable design. Comment By: suba buba, 10 Oct 2016, Rating: 4/5
Dj7mTr Outstanding post however , I was wanting to know if you could write a litte more on this subject? I ad be very thankful if you could elaborate a little bit more. Thank you! Comment By: best pron, 03 Aug 2016, Rating: 3/5
rBZKHc You ave made some really good points there. I checked on the net for more info about the issue and found most individuals will go along with your views on this site. Comment By: pork movies, 06 Jul 2016, Rating: 4/5
xreBnO wow, awesome post.Much thanks again. Really Great. Comment By: fuck your mom, 16 May 2016, Rating: 4/5
Very good write-up. I definitely appreciate this website. Thanks! Comment By: fuck your mom, 14 May 2016, Rating: 3/5
A piece of erditiuon unlike any other! Comment By: Latoya, 08 May 2016, Rating: 4/5
ictpcH It is actually a great and helpful piece of information. I am happy that you just shared this useful info with us. Please stay us informed like this. Thank you for sharing. Comment By: sophie fiverr, 06 Apr 2016, Rating: 4/5
Hzcdhl or fashionable and useful, you will easily find your Id Nike Blazers sandals at a discount price to fit your budget. Comment By: coco ser vice, 31 Mar 2016, Rating: 1/5
fPhzIn Really appreciate you sharing this blog.Much thanks again. Cool. Comment By: cocoservice, 01 Mar 2016, Rating: 2/5
C3e1By Comment By: iQIMnYuplKRlxhoyO, 01 Jan 2016, Rating: 2/5
GS6VAH Thank you for your post.Much thanks again. Fantastic. Comment By: crork fiverr, 28 Nov 2015, Rating: 2/5
FzLvuY This is one awesome article post.Really looking forward to read more. Great. Comment By: crork service seo, 09 Nov 2015, Rating: 4/5
z5fYxw Souls in the Waves Superior Morning, I just stopped in to visit your site and thought I would say I experienced myself. Comment By: fiverr crork, 17 Oct 2015, Rating: 4/5
B6kmt4 Im obliged for the article.Thanks Again. Want more. Comment By: crork service, 16 Oct 2015, Rating: 3/5
EXgKr7 Respect to post author, some wonderful entropy. Comment By: crork fiver, 28 Sep 2015, Rating: 2/5
VrXXZK Very useful post right here. Thanks for sharing your knowledge with me. I will certainly be back again. Comment By: crork service, 03 Sep 2015, Rating: 3/5
PtMjIy See my scam i post here for get backlink Comment By: matt crorkzz, 03 Aug 2015, Rating: 1/5
Y2sQVm Say, you got a nice blog article. Fantastic. Comment By: crorkzz, 30 Jun 2015, Rating: 4/5
5XKT7o Thanks again for the post. Keep writing. Comment By: crorkzz linkbuilding, 10 Jun 2015, Rating: 3/5
TTcX9G You made some decent factors there. I looked on the web for the difficulty and found most individuals will associate with along with your website. Comment By: crorkservice on fiverr, 06 May 2015, Rating: 2/5
Q72INe I'm still learning from you, as I'm improving myself. I definitely liked reading everything that is posted on your website.Keep the tips coming. I loved it! Comment By: mattew crorkz, 07 Apr 2015, Rating: 1/5
bmUCst Excellent read, I just passed this onto a friend who was doing a little research on that. And he actually bought me lunch as I found it for him smile Thus let me rephrase that: Thanks for lunch! Comment By: crork mattew, 07 Mar 2015, Rating: 1/5
TVntiB Hi there, I found your site by means of Google while looking for a similar topic, your website came up, it appears to be like great. I have bookmarked it in my google bookmarks. Comment By: good backlinks, 05 Feb 2015, Rating: 4/5
yDayoF Thank you for another great article. Where else could anyone get that kind of information in such a perfect way of writing? I have a presentation next week, and I'm on the look for such information. Comment By: crorkz linkz, 15 Jan 2015, Rating: 4/5
SVwj6m I was recommended this website through my cousin. I am now not sure whether this submit is written via him as nobody else recognize such unique about my trouble. You're wonderful! Thanks! Comment By: crorkz jremy, 23 Nov 2014, Rating: 2/5
WIM7vN Very neat article.Really thank you! Comment By: crorkz matz, 06 Aug 2014, Rating: 3/5
iIItDW Awesome article.Really thank you! Will read on... Comment By: crorkz matz, 05 Aug 2014, Rating: 3/5
ZgSc7j Thanks so much for the blog article.Really thank you! Comment By: crorkz matz, 04 Aug 2014, Rating: 1/5
xVNtbY Thanks-a-mundo for the article.Really looking forward to read more. Want more. Comment By: mattew crorkz, 02 Aug 2014, Rating: 3/5
F2NBDp A round of applause for your blog post.Really looking forward to read more. Much obliged. Comment By: best prices, 01 Apr 2014, Rating: 4/5
K72Xf1 Very neat blog post.Really thank you! Fantastic. Comment By: best prices, 22 Mar 2014, Rating: 4/5
UUgFiU Really informative blog.Really looking forward to read more. Keep writing. Comment By: nice seo guys, 17 Jan 2014, Rating: 4/5
vWRomw Im obliged for the blog article.Really looking forward to read more. Fantastic. Comment By: check it out, 08 Jan 2014, Rating: 4/5
opT4Q4 Enjoyed every bit of your article.Much thanks again. Much obliged. Comment By: you want this now, 15 Dec 2013, Rating: 3/5
olO50X I loved your blog post. Will read on... Comment By: smashing top seo, 31 Oct 2013, Rating: 1/5
glkz8o Thank you ever so for you blog article. Fantastic. Comment By: smashing top seo, 26 Oct 2013, Rating: 4/5
CgjFtu Wow, great article post.Thanks Again. Want more. Comment By: check out these guys!, 15 Oct 2013, Rating: 4/5
SyaOr3 This is one awesome article post.Much thanks again. Great. Comment By: pro link building, 24 Sep 2013, Rating: 4/5
nM8UOu I really enjoy the post.Really looking forward to read more. Great. Comment By: make money online, 13 Sep 2013, Rating: 1/5
Zz3LKL Really informative blog article.Really looking forward to read more. Fantastic. Comment By: best place for make money online, 11 Sep 2013, Rating: 1/5
i6jZGf I really liked your blog.Really looking forward to read more. Fantastic. Comment By: link building, 06 Sep 2013, Rating: 4/5
We here on OakIsland North Carolina received our bntiaeg from Irene Friday and till noon today. We are more familiar with hurricanes living at the end of the Cape Fear and just hunker down and in my case paint and watch the weather reports. We did OK with only minimal damage. Hurricane force winds only occasionally with mostly tropical storm force winds. The town government closes our bridge off the island when winds reach 45 mph., so we are on our own.Hope everything up your way turns out OK for you and yours. TimFitzgerald Comment By: Julian, 04 Oct 2012, Rating: 2/5
eu gostei muito desses filmes são muito legais! Comment By: jéssica jeane, 16 Apr 2011, Rating: 1/5
Good list but the top spot could have just as easily been given to Superman: The Movie. Man, was that was a dull piece of shit! An hour of tedium as we get through the origin story/set up for the sequel, then try to rush a few 'super stunts' in quick succession to amaze us by the was that an invulnerable man can thwart such vile criminal scum as a man suction-cupping his way down a building. After that comes the intelligence-insulting finale where he turns back time by flying around the world backwards! nonsense. And don't even start me on the idiocy of the whole Lex Luthor thing and his Comment By: The DN5, 15 Aug 2008, Rating: 5/5