TOP TEN OBLIGATORY MOMENTS FOR A POLICE ACADEMY FILM
If you would like to make a new Police Academy film, make sure you follow these handy hints... 17/07/08
10. Hightower Is Strong!
Hightower only really has one function, be sure to have a scene in your film in which he displays his Hercules style strength.
You could literally do anything you want, from throwing a football really far to ripping car seats out.
Be sure it is something humorous though, not him ripping the heads off of children.
9. Zed annoys
If you can talk Zed into coming back, make sure you get him to talk like he has just stepped out of 10 years of electric shock therapy whilst being nipped on the bell end by an angry dog.
Also, why not get him to eat and drink things that you really shouldn't, like a shoe or some deodorant.
8. Jones
Jones will come back, dont worry about that, even if you made him pay you, he would come back. He is one(of many) of the Police Academy cast that will do anything.
Make sure you have him impersonate something, examples of which include :
A machine gun.
A Helicopter.
A Video game.
A Horse.
Some shoes.
Some music.
Also, make sure he enters into Karate style combat and does the dubbing himself (With hilarious consequences)
7. Lassard
Make sure you get George Gaynes back to play Lassard, after all, it would'nt be Police Academy without him to be confused or play Golf in his office.
Sorry, I was just laughing about when he plays golf in his office.
He also says the word "many" many times, so be sure to include that in your screenplay.
Oh, and he likes Goldfish.
6. Harris
Captain Harris was in the first film, he was then replaced with the infinitely superior Mauser, sadly, he returned (after playing the same part in Mannequin) for Police Academy 4 and reverted back to type as the asshole to be mocked and humiliated.
If you include Harris, make sure you include some hilarious events such as his trousers ripping and someone calling him names via sun tan lotion.
Oh, and his head going up and horse.
Classic stuff!
Sorry, I was just laughing again about the Golf in the office.
5. Tackleberry
He loves guns!! He loves shouting, "Now mister!!!"!! He loves guns and shouting, "Now Mister!!!"
If he hadn't been a cop he would have taken out a shopping mall and turned the weapon on himself.
Basically a requirement for these films, sadly he has since passed away, but I am sure you can re-cast, how about Bobby Davro? He would be interested.
4. Sweetchuck
Oh, he is a little prick isnt he!
No, he is supposed to be funny.
Well, he isnt!
Oh...
He is weak and rides a moped, hilarious, be warned though, he stopped after 4, so he may require a higher fee.
3. Callahan
She is a lady and she has big boobs.
That is about it, use it in any way you must, but make sure you use it.
2. Hooks
Hey, she is really quiet and no one can hear her voice as she speaks like a mouse.
A good move would be to have Harris ridicule her on her stupid quiet voice.
But, you have to have one moment in your film in which she shouts, and boy does she shout, wow!
Remember, the first time it was funny, it probably wont be for the 5,000,000,000th time, just a pre warning there.
AND FINALLY...
1. Mahoney
Mahoney, he just doesnt give one solitary shit about authority, yet, he is a cop, hilarious!
If you cross him, prepare to be the victim of practical jokes that border on common assault, yet, all he need do is smile and you would forgive him if he was kicking your elderly mother to death with your dad's dead legs. Oh, that Mahoney!!
If you use Mahoney, make sure he gets the new chick in the academy, he loves the ladies and wont stop until he gets his end away.
Also, if you cant get Mahoney, use Nick Lassard, Lassard's cheeky cousin! Though, he is rubbish.
Comments about This Article
Wow, I had not thought about any of that. I am an alien. Comment By: Duncan Dares, 29 Jun 2008, Rating: 5/5
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