We are announcing our last minute rival candidacy to compete with the other 2 parties for the keys to number 10.
Not conservative, labour, liberal, monster raving and with only loose connections to communism and devil worship, our manifesto guarantees a better Britain, So on the something of May, vote HB.
Simply smear HB on your voting slips, (it's almost legal), and make the right choice. The HB choice.
03/05/10
 | 10. You can trust us
? | As new overlords, I mean rulers; err, lets stick with overlords, we pledge not to loose touch with the commoners. You will still be welcome to observe and admire us from a far as we bathe in virgins milk from our ivory baths, then piss in the water supply and laugh as you drink it because we have taxed you for the privilege.
|  | 9. It's time for a move | As Poland is relatively empty now we plan on moving Britain over there. Poland benefits from warm summers and picturesque snowy winters and unlike the current Britain, hardly any Polish folk. Apart from the landmines there seem to be no disadvantages; but that's why were sending in the Welsh first under the guise of a leek hunt.
|  | 8. More money into research | Lets face is, we spend billions of pounds a year on research into curing diseases such as ‘the gay condition' and lengthening our lives. Well, what about the bald men, we say. Those amongst us who hide in the shadows, can't have any kind of light reflecting on their heads, forced to initiate ‘the comb over', wear ill-fitting toupees or when at a party, sit in a darkened corner with a lamp shade on their heads. It's just not right, and if we get in we'll put everything; that's right, EVERYTHING into curing this most horrid of things. We'll start with dissecting Patrick Dempsey and then proceed.
|  | 7. No more funding for poor countries | As a nation we render buckets of cash to random oil bearing countries so they can then buy our weapons. If I did that, I'd be sacked; again. However if we must render aid to other countries, team HB will initiate a weekly lottery. Any country wishing to play will have to purchase a lottery ticket for £50 in time for the Monday afternoon draw. The prizes will be
For six numbers - A 1984 Ford Fiesta with walnut trim
For five numbers - A Signed photo of Roger Moore
For four numbers - A bush am radio alarm clock
For three numbers - Instructions on where to find the indicators stalks on bmw's
|  | 6. A return to old traditions | The return of Dempsey and Makepeace. And that's a guarantee.
|  | 5. Exta funding for the arts | Remember the fifties, when British cinema was king and not the antiquated twoddle it is now. When in power we guarantee to restore British cinema to it's former glory. The first thing we'll do is complete the new James Bond film with unused parts of old Bond films. Job done.
|  | 4. It's time to repair this country | The economy; easily solved. We'll sell off some Nazi gold and palm the royal family off on Bolivia.
|  | 3. No more wasting your hard earned cash | As a planet we still spend billions of pounds a year on extra terrestrial defence programmes such as ‘Star Wars' and ‘Project Alf'; and yet hardly anything on the research and development of male baldness. I know we've mentioned this before but it's very high on our agenda. And time is running out for some…
|  | 2. A tax free Britain | Whilst observing the 90's classic, ‘The Demolition Man', we discovered many tips that could be implemented in a utopian future, but one in particular stood out. Whilst the new Britain will become a largely untaxed country, we'll need to collect some, ‘funds for the boys' some how. And that's where we introduce, ‘the swear box'. On the Demolition Man, the hierarchy actually took money off you for swears or, ‘a violation of the verbal morality statute' as they called it. However, our version will reward well timed and well placed swares and witticicms, but issue a fine for slow, poorly timed comebacks. Fuckin' A. (+£1.00).
| AND FINALLY...
 | 1. We can save you | In it's day, the scooper market was known by big business a ‘the turd in the punchbowl'(+£0.75 but, -£1.11 for nicking the statement from South Park)=(The system works). The scooper market was a low cost, cheap to run, honest business which passed their savings onto the public. They always occupied existing properties and were easily identified to us with names such as, ‘scoop'n'save' or ‘save'n'scoop'. What's more, they paid tax like any other small business, not masked their profits in a trail of dead end subsidairies and offshore trading accounts to pay less tax per year than a group of wild beavers. And that's why we're bringing scooper markets back. Bring your own bags, or bring your own scoop for 5% off everything except loose washing powder. And bring an end to giant corporations sucking us dry with their huge savings.
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