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Guide Dogs For The Blind
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Guide Dogs For The Blind

Guide Dogs For The Blind

Rumours have been flying around that I am dead. This concerns me as I'm not, I have just been sleeping quite a bit.
Sometimes I have been forgetting to wake up, which is a pain to be honest as there is nothing more annoying than waking up with really long nails and a beard.
Actually, there are lots more annoying things than that, imagine going to sleep in 1988 and waking up in 1999, that would be annoying, for one, you wouldn't know about Channel 5 or Keith Chegwin's Naked Jungle programme, there may be many people in coma's from around that time who are unaware of what Keith Chegwin's cock looks like.
A friend of mine once fell into a comma, that was annoying for him, he was a veritable vegetable, in the end his family had to put him on a full stop machine.

The fact remains that I am alive and well, which is more than I can say for Admiral Nelson, now, he is dead.

I started this week much like any other, I went to work Monday and was told that apparantly I didn't work there anymore, then I went to Budgens and tried, once again, to get an answer out of the manager about why their guide dogs for the blind are dead and have coin shaped holes drilled into their heads, again, he said he didn't know what I was talking about! Come on Thatcher, tell us what is going on! This smells of a conspiracy, next they'll tell me that Ricardo Monteblan isnt living next door and doesn't own glasses.

I will repeat once again for any members of MI5, I am not stupid.


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