Hoffman Lenses

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The Side Five
24/08/10

Hey Arnold
10/08/10

Booze
13/07/10 Average Rating: 5 out of 5

Cars
17/05/10 Average Rating: 3 out of 5

And where the hell have I been ?
22/04/10

i, prejudice
27/02/10

Oddie Watch
02/02/10 Average Rating: 5 out of 5

Back in the Day
25/01/10 Average Rating: 5 out of 5

End of Year Survival Guide - Part Three
24/12/09

End of Year Survival Guide - Part Deux
12/11/09 Average Rating: 4.3 out of 5

Bah Humbug Its Halloween
31/10/09 Average Rating: 5 out of 5

Codename Puffin
04/10/09

The Good / Bad Old Days
06/09/09

Could This Be The End ?
25/08/09 Average Rating: 5 out of 5

The Stones
19/08/09 Average Rating: 5 out of 5

Where's Jonesy
10/08/09 Average Rating: 5 out of 5

t-5
03/07/09 Average Rating: 5 out of 5

The Perfect Day
23/06/09 Average Rating: 5 out of 5

The Hamilton Khaki
16/06/09 Average Rating: 4.5 out of 5

Time to get away
09/06/09 Average Rating: 5 out of 5

New Series of Knight Rider Faces Budget Cuts
28/05/09

A Long Sentence
20/05/09 Average Rating: 5 out of 5

Zombie Hunting Season
17/04/09

Hoffman Lenses
06/04/09 Average Rating: 5 out of 5

The Bob Hope Random Holiday Generator
03/04/09 Average Rating: 2.5 out of 5

The Good Life ?
24/03/09 Average Rating: 5 out of 5

The Turquoise Star
19/03/09 Average Rating: 4.7 out of 5

Visiting Earth ?
10/03/09 Average Rating: 4.3 out of 5

A Reason To Travel Back In Time And Kick Your Dad In The Bollocks
27/02/09 Average Rating: 5 out of 5

This Never Happened To The Other Fella
10/02/09 Average Rating: 4.7 out of 5

Eating Out
02/02/09 Average Rating: 4 out of 5

The Vatican Devil
28/01/09 Average Rating: 4.8 out of 5

The Big Bang Scam
21/01/09 Average Rating: 5 out of 5

The Times They Are A Changin’
19/01/09 Average Rating: 5 out of 5

Hoffman Lenses

06/04/09

There was a film in the 80’s called ‘They Live’. I don’t know if you remember it but it was about a down on his luck Rowdy Roddy Piper who one day by chance discovered a box of sunglasses through which he could monochromatically see the truth and a world where the society’s elite kept the general working class in a dream like suppressive state. Apart from also having some classic one liners and a cracking back alley 80’s fight scenes it showed us what just one man could do if he was ever opened up to all of these firewalls we seem to live behind these days. And , that thing was to go around seemingly gunning down people at random saying things like, “I’ve come here to chew bubblegum and kick ass, but I’m all out of bubblegum”.

Now I’m not saying I could ever go on a rampage, I wouldn’t even know where to illegally purchase a weapon such as a Zorg lightweight ZF-1 suitable for lefties or righties, which breaks down into four parts and is undetectable by x-ray, with a titanium recharger, three thousand round clip with bursts of three to three hundred. Let alone one with a replay button, rocket launcher, arrow launcher with exploding or poisonous gas heads, net launcher, efficient flame-thrower, ice cube dispenser and a little red button on the bottom. However, these days nothing seems quite right anymore; like something’s missing, something what used to be there but is now gone or hidden; yet I can’t quite put my finger on it. It’s almost like the omen grew up and became Prime Minister or there’s a huge spaceship just sitting above the atmosphere, hoovering away the ozone and claiming tax benefits and the powers that be are just letting them ‘cos they’re illegal aliens and can do what ever they want.

On a weekend, I like to go to the riverbank with my guitar, grunge it up and busk to the rodents. Sometimes they ask me why I have no guitar and am singing ‘Carry On’ themes with my underpants tightly rolled and inserted up my nose.
I reply to them, “I don’t know”

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Comments about This Article

Que, Must go answer phone Mr. Fawlty. Comment By: Manuel, 27 May 2009, Rating: 5/5

Is English your second language ? Comment By: Dogtanian, 20 Apr 2009, Rating: 5/5

How do you explain Big Trouble in Lilltle China, surely that's the work of the son of the devil incarnate humself; bijesus, cripes alive, lord lummee and other regligious swares. Comment By: Le Pope, 07 Apr 2009, Rating: 5/5

Don't worry, I am not alive, I was killed by Jesus in the 3rd one. Comment By: Damien Thorn, 07 Apr 2009, Rating: 5/5

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