The Big Bang Scam

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The Big Bang Scam

21/01/09

The big bang theory may now be as old as time itself but there seems to be a lack of forthcoming information from these so called scientists and theoretical astrobastards on what actually predates the big bang. To me, this would be like Danny Aiello (aka Tommy 5 Tone), not explaining to Hudson Hawk how he survived the limo crash and then just ending the film with the Hawk devouring the non toxic cappuccino and lobbing the poor old waiters’ special cup, smashing it on the ground just before the waiters’ poor old bare footed crippled wife slices her feet on the shards of pottery on the way to bring the Hawk some homemade biscuits. Yes; the Hawk finally got his coffee but at what cost.
The poor old ladies feet, the hysterical waiter, the smugness of 5 Tone as he sits there smoking and not disclosing the limo had airbags and a ‘fuckin’ sprinkler system.
However, as this scenario never happened I can only assume the feeling would be the same.

When I put this in a letter to Stephen Hawkins ending it with, ‘divvy up the info or I’ll set fire to Justin Hawkins’, he replied back saying that my letter contained too many references to people called Hawk and that the truth as to what predated the big bang was so immense it could never be disclosed and when it was revealed to a control group they instantly entered a catatonic state as if they’d won the first prize in the quiz show Bullseye and that prize was actually the Michal Winner film of the same name. He then patronised me further saying that if the creation of the universe was indeed the film Hudson Hawk then what predated it would be like the Hawk revealing that he’d known where Captain Bob had got his steering wheel from all along.

I replied to the Stephen Hawkins correspondence, demanding he tell me where Captain Bob got his steering wheel from.

His monosyllabic reply simply read - - - -

“Fuck off !”

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Comments about This Article

Silence, your'e surrounded by a hundred men. And they all ready to dance ! Comment By: Torquil, 23 Jan 2009, Rating: 5/5

I shall cleft thee in twain with my mighty Glaive. This it was given me to know, that many worlds have been enslaved by the Beast and his army, the Slayers. And this too was given me to know, that the beast would come to our world, the world of Krull, and his Black Fortress would be seen in the land, that the smoke of burning villages would darken the sky, and the cries of the dying would echo through deserted valleys. But one thing I cannot know, whether the prophecy be true, that a girl of ancient name shall become queen, that she shall choose a king, and that together they shall rule our world, and that their son shall rule the galaxy. Comment By: Prince Colwyn, 22 Jan 2009, Rating: 5/5

Sprinker system in the back of the limo? Goats Cheese Pizza?? What IS Mario? Comment By: Hudson Hawk, 22 Jan 2009, Rating: 5/5

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