And Where The Hell Have I Been ?

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24/08/10

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And where the hell have I been ?
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And where the hell have I been ?

22/04/10

Politics, murder, terrorism, volcano’s, the ever increasing price of chocolate buttons, small daffodil crops, the new Dr. Who, Ray Mears’ and other celeb migrations to itv, my back door won’t lock and Val Kilmers African accent from the last Saint movie.

These are all troubling issues that have little or nothing to do with me. However, I do hold a personal interest in the cold fusion / bra post it note formula from the fore mentioned Saint movie; but that’s another story. And as I enter the second trimester of this lung squashing illness fate has bestowed upon me I do believe I may be the first person in history to have actually caught a virus from a computer, that is unless you count the super computer from Superman 3; and I do. So that would make me the second person to catch a virus from a computer, unless you count what WOPR did to John Ratzenberger; ie, largely overlooked him for a game of tic-tac-toe, which in turn caused him on the set of Cheers to periodically say things like, “err, I’ll tell you who’s good as chess, err, WOPR”.
To which Ted Danson would reply, “fish make descent scrabble players”
Then of course there was things like DARYL, DATA, Davros, Metal Mickey and the robots from the SMASH adverts which are capable of passing on the c virus, or vaids as it’s more commonly known.

Either way it’s unlikely that getting caught watching a bit of late night internet based rumpy pumpy could make you sick; and yet…
…which brings me to my first point.

Remember a few weeks ago when the Large Hadron Collider got fired up again. If you read the findings on the internet it simply reads,’ Large Hadron Collider breaks energy records and gets a round of applause from anxious scientists’.
Wow.. That translates into Ł856000.02 per clap; cost the tax paying public.
Personally I’d have found it more interesting if they’d have released a fraudulent press statement stating that as the first of the particles collided the energy created a small brown dust cloud; when the dust settled it revealed what appeared to be a human skeleton wearing bifocals and shaking it’s head.
Upon further investigation it became apparent the skeleton was in fact ‘Bones’ from the re-record not fade away scotch tape adverts of the 1980’s. Bones, reminded us that his cassettes were guaranteed to re-record and NOT fade away and blamed any change in format on his pet skeleton parrot. He proceeded to improvise a scene from Watership Down before actually fading away.

I say fraudulent but I have it on good authority that’s what actually happened.

Just remember; this is a journey into de-evolution.
I’ll be back…

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