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Someone Else Holding the Baby Blues
11/01/12
Back to the Future Too
30/12/11
Untold Cooper
29/12/11
A British Defence Against America
08/12/11
Not So Marvellous
07/12/11 Average Rating: 3 out of 5
We need to talk about Gervais
19/10/11 Average Rating: 4 out of 5
A Quarter Life Crisis
06/10/11 Average Rating: 4 out of 5
Confessions of a Dangerous Mind
05/10/11 Average Rating: 4 out of 5
An open letter to George Lucas.
01/09/11
Burn Hollywood Burn
19/07/11
The Apprenticed
18/07/11
In Praise of ITV
03/07/11
Sick
28/06/11
Know the Drill
03/06/11
Modern Cinemas are Rubbish
02/06/11 Average Rating: 5 out of 5
My Tooth Story
26/05/11
Game of PWNS
24/05/11 Average Rating: 5 out of 5
West is West
19/05/11 Average Rating: 5 out of 5
Crime Crime Crime
17/05/11
The Bored Room
11/05/11 Average Rating: 5 out of 5
The Future Shock
09/05/11
The Worm That Eats Itself
06/05/11 Average Rating: 5 out of 5
The Life Atwatic
24/04/11
Driving Like A Dick
17/04/11 Average Rating: 5 out of 5
A Penny For My Thoughts
27/03/11 Average Rating: 2 out of 5
The Needle and the Damage Done
23/03/11 Average Rating: 5 out of 5
The Meaning of Life Part 1 : Birth
16/03/11 Average Rating: 3 out of 5
10 O Clock Dive
21/01/11 Average Rating: 4.3 out of 5
Falling off of the Witches Hat
19/01/11 Average Rating: 5 out of 5
Small Talk
18/01/11 Average Rating: 4.8 out of 5
The Waiting Game
13/01/11 Average Rating: 5 out of 5
2011
05/01/11
2010
31/12/10 Average Rating: 5 out of 5
Police Stop
30/12/10 Average Rating: 5 out of 5
Z Cast
29/12/10 Average Rating: 5 out of 5
The Crazy Adventures of Bastian and Atreyu
09/12/10
A note to my son or daughter.
08/12/10 Average Rating: 5 out of 5
Baby I can drive your car
22/10/10 Average Rating: 4.3 out of 5
A Good Society
10/09/10
The National Sport of Rubbernecking
09/09/10 Average Rating: 5 out of 5
Scanners 2
08/09/10
What mean Expendable?
07/09/10 Average Rating: 4.3 out of 5
Adventures in Babyhaving
06/09/10 Average Rating: 0 out of 5
Warning : Speculation
12/07/10 Average Rating: 4.5 out of 5
Adventures in driving
07/07/10 Average Rating: 5 out of 5
A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away...
05/07/10 Average Rating: 4 out of 5
Pipe Up
23/04/10 Average Rating: 5 out of 5
More Bard News
21/04/10 Average Rating: 5 out of 5
Volcanoes and Elections
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Grumpy Old Deathwish
29/03/10
The Apple
27/03/10 Average Rating: 2 out of 5
1987
26/03/10 Average Rating: 5 out of 5
The Long Bad Wednesday
25/03/10
Art for Art's Sake
23/03/10 Average Rating: 5 out of 5
Modern Slash
22/03/10 Average Rating: 5 out of 5
A Little Bit 'Special'
16/03/10 Average Rating: 5 out of 5
Dead Happy
05/03/10 Average Rating: 3.3 out of 5
Video Killed The Radio Stars
03/03/10 Average Rating: 5 out of 5
Sunday Zoo
01/03/10
Im Flugzeug
20/02/10 Average Rating: 5 out of 5
Radio Times
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Intellectual Property
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Happy Loveday
15/02/10
A Load of Pony
25/01/10
I Want To Lie Down With A Lion
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'You Lecherous Moron'
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A National Treasure
15/01/10
Snow
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Friday The 13th
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Steaks are High
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Some Mothers Do 'Ave 'Em
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BBC Bashing
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Kenny Effing Powers!
09/11/09
No More Heroes
06/11/09 Average Rating: 3.7 out of 5
What I Did In My Holidays
04/11/09
Jellyneck
22/09/09 Average Rating: 3 out of 5
Can Buy Me Love
10/09/09
Memory Lane
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Shitting Stars
26/08/09
The Life and Death of My Pop Star Life
25/08/09 Average Rating: 5 out of 5
Are You Being Offended?
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My Generation
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Home Alone 2 : Lost In 1939-1945
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Home Alone
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Context
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Summer is a bummer
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Time Waster
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Yes, but how did it Happen??
25/07/09
He Must Have Some Agent
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Day 2
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A New Morning
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The Sadness
21/07/09
Who Punishes The Punisher?
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The New Blog
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Baby, You're A Ritchie Man
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An Englishman's Home Is His Castle
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The Return
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Double Trouble
06/04/09
It's The End Of The World As I Know It
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Not Good Enough
30/03/09 Average Rating: 3 out of 5
Picture This
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Size Matters
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The Death of Mother Tongue
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I Am Modern Man
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Watched
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Wired
08/03/09
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Snow Wonder
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A New Breed of Hero
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You Be The Judge
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Take Hart
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What's In A Name?
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Don't Remake Me Over
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Random Fluctuations In The Space Time Continuum!
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The Future Is Already Written
07/01/09
The Shortest Story Ever Told
06/01/09
Demon Seed
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2008
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What's Cooking?
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A Feel Good Story
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The Curse
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He's Not The Messiah!
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Who throws a shoe?
14/12/08
Sneaky Christmas
10/12/08
Feeling Blu
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SHT
07/12/08
Gategate
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Comedy of Errors
30/11/08 Average Rating: 3.7 out of 5
For What It's Worth
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Alan Partridge and Other Less Successful Characters
23/11/08
National Expression
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A View To A Job
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Last Bus Gone
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Jungle Nobodies
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The Cage Strain
11/11/08
A Common Practice In Poland
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Close Encounters of the West Country Kind
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David Brent Would Vote For Barack Obama
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I am Legend
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Setting The President In The Art World
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My Word Is My Bond
02/11/08
The Death of Mother Tongue
Or, mourning Squire
19/03/09
My brother is 5 years older than me. When I was still at school circa the late 80's early 90's, my brother would have been about 18 and was enjoying the music emanating from the Manchester (Or Madchester) scene. He was often found with his thick curtain haircut and Stone Roses T Shirt. I would come home from school and hear that Stone Roses album over and over again and I grew to like it just as much. It is seminal albums such as this one that moulded my future interest in the indie music scene, for which I will always be grateful to my brother. I associate doing homework very strongly with I Am the Resurrection or Waterfalls and to this day I am whisked back to my early teens when ever I hear the album.

By the time the 2nd album emerged (1994), I was 17. Appropriately titled "The Second Coming" it sounded like a band in disharmony and was no where near as good as their previous output. First Reni left, then John Squire, then, the Stone Roses were no more.

There has been talk recently of The Stone Roses reforming. Fans of the band have been getting excited and looking for when, where and how. Sadly, John Squire today wee'd on their BBQ and all their chips by announcing via a pretentious art work that he has no interest in reforming the band.

I suppose there is still hope that The Seahorses may reform?

Whilst I am not a big fan of Facebook. I understand why it works. I understand that it is a symbol of society today, it is for lazy people who cannot be arsed to email, phone or write letters. You see, today's generation demand instant communication and rather than express their emotions or describe a funny thing they saw on the television, they would much rather send a "hug" or a video of something funny they saw on television. This, again rightly or wrongly, is the modern world. I have no problem with it, it removes the pressure associated with keeping friendships going, and in my case has put me in touch with friends that I long thought I would never hear from again.

The negatives, however, associated with the ever expending modern world far out weigh the positives. For instance, most people under the age of 28 speak in text speak. Instead of saying "hello mate, fancy coming to the pub later?" You instead get "LO M8, FNCY CMING TO DA PUB LTA, LOL, LOL, :0)"

Now, I may not be an Oxford Don, but that is in no way grammatically correct, and is borderline foreign language.

I for one will attempt to fight a lone battle for our Mother Tongue and against our inevitable future. It will be trench warfare, taking cover from the text speak missiles, fighting back with shells of grammar. To be honest, I cant imagine winning this battle, for one, their communication lines will be maneuvered more expediently than mine. It would take me 3 minutes to text instructions and they would simply send "KILL DA CNT" We are all doomed. William Shakespeare, George Orwell, T.S Elliot, Dan Brown, your boys took one hell of a beating.

Sentences will be rationed to no more than 120 characters. Twitter will become the way anyone communicates. Dialects will take on this trend. If you see someone in the street, you will have to reserve all pertinent data and make sure you express it in 120 characters, or you will be beaten to death by a giant mobile phone. The funeral service will be arranged via Sky Active. The vicar will begin, "HE IS DED, LOL, I FINK HE WS A RT CNT, LOL. DA END." The gravestone will just read "DED" and the year. You will have to put the name on the cemetery forum under "DED CNTS" just under the threads "NKD CELEBS" and "JKES."

Anyway. My point was, Facebook has decided that rather than compete with Twitter (Twatter as I have cleverly just called it, just then) on its own level, it will stoop to Twatter's level and change its appearance to be an almost carbon copy. Whilst I would never join one of those stupid Facebook groups, I do think Facebook has been getting worse for quite some time now.

That is not to say I know what I am talking about. I am a man over 30, my opinion is no longer valid and therefore unwelcome. I am out of the BBC 3 demographic, which means I officially do not understand young people and things, which is true, I don't understand how BBC 3 functions, it just seems to have had a televisual lobotomy and be just catering to utter cunts.

I say, unplug the internet and lets solve the problems of the modern world together. Holding hands, talking to one another, helping each other, writing to each other and most of all, caring about each other.

Mind you, that all sounds like a really dull hassle, scratch that.

I WS TAKIN DA PIZ, LOL.

Follow Ted (MrJohnRain) on Twitter
Comments about This Article
I have slayed a few Goblins in my time.
Comment By: Frank Coffman, Goblin Killer, 20 Mar 2009, Rating: 5/5
Idely inventood strangely twang, yetli id'lu nevery gotten no creditilude fordaly itaru. Lol-dedly.
Comment By: Stanley Unwin, 20 Mar 2009, Rating: 5/5
It's a shame the roses aren't going to reform. I think Squire's got a point though, if they were to get back together they would only be harming their own memory. You see the recorded material is great, but were they to perform live again then everyone would realise Ian Brown can't sing for shit and people would question what all the fuss was about. I love 'em though - even the second album.
Comment By: The Totster, 19 Mar 2009, Rating: 5/5
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