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Someone Else Holding the Baby Blues
11/01/12
Back to the Future Too
30/12/11
Untold Cooper
29/12/11
A British Defence Against America
08/12/11
Not So Marvellous
07/12/11 Average Rating: 3 out of 5
We need to talk about Gervais
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A Quarter Life Crisis
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Confessions of a Dangerous Mind
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An open letter to George Lucas.
01/09/11
Burn Hollywood Burn
19/07/11
The Apprenticed
18/07/11
In Praise of ITV
03/07/11
Sick
28/06/11
Know the Drill
03/06/11
Modern Cinemas are Rubbish
02/06/11 Average Rating: 5 out of 5
My Tooth Story
26/05/11
Game of PWNS
24/05/11 Average Rating: 5 out of 5
West is West
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Crime Crime Crime
17/05/11
The Bored Room
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The Future Shock
09/05/11
The Worm That Eats Itself
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The Life Atwatic
24/04/11
Driving Like A Dick
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A Penny For My Thoughts
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The Needle and the Damage Done
23/03/11 Average Rating: 5 out of 5
The Meaning of Life Part 1 : Birth
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10 O Clock Dive
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Falling off of the Witches Hat
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Small Talk
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The Waiting Game
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2011
05/01/11
2010
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Police Stop
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Z Cast
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The Crazy Adventures of Bastian and Atreyu
09/12/10
A note to my son or daughter.
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Baby I can drive your car
22/10/10 Average Rating: 4.3 out of 5
A Good Society
10/09/10
The National Sport of Rubbernecking
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Scanners 2
08/09/10
What mean Expendable?
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Adventures in Babyhaving
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Warning : Speculation
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Adventures in driving
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A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away...
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Pipe Up
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More Bard News
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Grumpy Old Deathwish
29/03/10
The Apple
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1987
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The Long Bad Wednesday
25/03/10
Art for Art's Sake
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Modern Slash
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A Little Bit 'Special'
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Dead Happy
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Video Killed The Radio Stars
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25/01/10
I Want To Lie Down With A Lion
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A National Treasure
15/01/10
Snow
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No More Heroes
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Jellyneck
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Can Buy Me Love
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Memory Lane
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26/08/09
The Life and Death of My Pop Star Life
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My Generation
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25/07/09
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14/12/08
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07/12/08
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23/11/08
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11/11/08
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My Word Is My Bond
02/11/08
A New Breed of Hero
We have been holding out for one.
21/01/09
In years gone by, our heroes had muscles. They also had accents and they knew their way around a gun, a woman and a fast car.

Then, the 1990's happened, and men became more concerned with hugging,
looking after babies, crying and "finding themselves".
Being an "action star" became a dirty job. Some people still did it however, Van Damme and Seagal for instance, both rode that dead horse into the ground and then took turns whipping it. But no one cared anymore.
Suddenly, if you had muscles, no one took you seriously, if you had an accent, more so. The days of throwing a saw blade into a man's head in a shed, were gone. Their home was to be DTV and bargain bins from now on. Once, a Van Damme or Seagal film would be a box office draw, now, they are kept in drawers.

I for one loved and grew up on balls out action films and the men that made them.

The two best of that decade where Schwarzenegger and Stallone.

Arnold Schwarzenegger was a legend. He could fight anyone, anytime or anything. He could beat up an Aussie with a big tash one minute and then a big alien the next. He didn't discriminate, he just made a great quip and then handed them their ass. It is also worth noting that he ate green berets for breakfast.

Stallone, he was the king of silliness. Surely the smallest heavy weight to ever step into a boxing ring, he presided over the Rocky decline, penning (and mostly directing)each one as they got worse (A robot for a birthday present that has sex with Paulie?!). He was not afraid to get sillier either, from freeing POW's single handed, assisting the brave people of Afghanistan, arm wrestling under the name Lincoln Hawk to fighting crime as Marion Cobretti. It is worth noting that crime is a disease and he is the cure.

In the 1990's, the only action stars anyone was interested in was the every man, wrong place wrong time types. Die Hard came along in the late 80's and changed action films for a long time.

No one was interested anymore in Arnie or Sly. Arnie did the decent thing and Batman & Robin aside, left with his pride intact to run for office. Sly however, despite years of saying he would never return to Rocky or Rambo made sequels to both within a year and whacked that final nail in. I wish he would just admit defeat and make Tango and Cash 2 already.

The road was clear for a new breed of hero, Matt Damon stepped up, as did Daniel Craig, but they are too grounded in reality. They have the feel of men with rules. You certainly couldn't imagine them driving a car into a moving train.

I think the time has come for a real action man to come forward.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I am pleased to announce that he has arrived and his name is Jason Statham.

I just watched Transporter 3. It is every bit as stupid, terrible and brainless as the other two, but, I loved it as much as I did the previous entries. If you liked Commando, you will love this. I am also very pleased that he has decided to abandon that American accent he was attempting in the first film.

It is not only a return to the mad and crazy 1980's action that we all grew up with, it also has a leading man that you totally believe can kick serious arse, eat green berets for breakfast and cure the disease that is crime before you can say Three men and a baby.

Before a fight has even started, Statham is topless and oiled up, ready to kick a man in the lungs so hard he dies, he then pops his suit back on and drives off as fast as he can.

Jason Statham has really turned it around, a few years ago he was reciting terrible Guy Ritchie words and looking like he was type casting him self with every sentence, now, he is a genuine action star and as I speak is readying "Crank 2" for general release this year, which looks insane in every possible way.

It was Crank that first made me realise that this guy was more than just the "geezer" that Guy Ritchie had painted him, he has so much more to offer. He handles the quips very well and he is very mobile in all the fight scenes. I am tipping him for big things.

I loved the idea of Crank, it was effectively Speed in a body with a bit of Grand Theft Auto mixed in. To think that they have made a sequel that will probably be more dumb and more stupid, frankly, makes me emotional and happy.

So, raise a toast to our home grown action star, put your feet up and, I tell you what, why not watch him kick more ass?


Follow Ted (MrJohnRain) on Twitter
Comments about This Article
By reading this, I have now made you all more awesome.
Comment By: The Stath, 17 Apr 2009, Rating: 5/5
I am disappointed to discover this article does not mention me at all.
Comment By: Howard the Duck Man, 31 Mar 2009, Rating: 1/5
I went to my local cinema that shows old films and sex.
Comment By: Ted, 22 Jan 2009, Rating: 5/5
How did you manage to watch Transporter 3? It's not been released yet, has it?
Comment By: The Police, 22 Jan 2009, Rating: 5/5
Crank 2, Crank 2, Crank 2, Crank 2; yeah, Crank 2.
Comment By: Bloke whom liked Crank 1, 22 Jan 2009, Rating: 5/5
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