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Not So Marvellous
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Burn Hollywood Burn
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Modern Cinemas are Rubbish
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Or, First class?
08/01/09
An Atheist campaign claiming "There's probably no God" has been reported to the advertising regulator.

I for one applaud this campaign. I am A-Religious, by which I mean I am neither here nor there, I wouldn't like to put all my hotels on one square, in a religious sense you understand, so I place myself on the fence and observe. That way, if there is a god, I think he wont mind me being an observer, after all, there are plenty of those in the Bible, especially the author. If there isn't a god, I haven't lost anything by worrying about sins, eating sausages or telling a man in a box about my private life.

Christian Voice has complained to the Advertising Standards Authority saying they break rules on substantiation and truthfulness. Stephen Green, national director of Christian Voice, says, "There is plenty of evidence for God, from people's personal experience, to the complexity, interdependence, beauty and design of the natural world. But there is scant evidence on the other side, so I think the advertisers are really going to struggle to show their claim is not an exaggeration or inaccurate, as the ASA code puts it."

If we are getting into the butter/marge test in terms of proof, I would be more worried about proving the existence of God, what with nuclear weapons, famine, The Holocaust, Jade Goody and the Babel Fish. Would such things really be allowed to happen in a world where God looks after us? On the other hand, there is no evidence to prove that God doesn't exist, so there you go, maybe if you build it, he will come.

The point is that people should be allowed to believe what they want and if someone else believes something else, don't worry about it.
After all, if God, or a God, is up there, would he really want us all fighting over what we believe?

I like the film Magnolia, but my friend doesn't, although he says it is shit, I don't hate him for it, I just know that I am definitely right in my mind. If he decided that he would put a sign on a bus saying that it is shit, I would kind of think he was welcome to his opinion, even if he chooses to do it in a mildly mentally ill way. Christians should just relax and concentrate on getting to heaven and not worrying about buses opinions. After all, if God is up there, who will have the last laugh? Christians? or Atheists? That's right, Christians will be playing hula hoop on a cloud whilst the Atheists are getting bummed for all eternity by Satan's winged, horned demons with massive spiky knobs.

One sentiment from the Atheist campaign that surely everyone should embrace is, "Stop worrying and enjoy your life." I couldn't agree more.

On my train on the way home tonight, I observed the bastards who chose to ignore the rules regarding First Class travel. If you are not aware of the First Class system on trains now, I shall explain. If you buy a First Class ticket, you get to sit in a special section of the train.

Is this section completely closed off from the rest of the riff raff? Is there Champagne served by naked women whilst Roger Moore reads extracts from his Autobiography? No. Is there any form of luxury what so ever? Yes. There is a doily on the headrest that says, "First Class."
That is it. That is your lot. So, people just sit there when ever they want. People who, with the best will in the world, can barely afford a normal ticket, never mind a ticket to paradise in First Class. Yet, there they sit, bastards. They have probably just been to Lidl, but now they are kings and queens of the train.

Where am I? Yes, stood up, watching them, green eyed with envy. Why don't I sit there too? Because of fear. I know the minute I sit back there, some ticket inspecting bastard will appear and see that I am scum, not First Class, and bust my ass. I have seen people caught in First Class before, and it isn't pretty. I don't want to be another statistic. No way.

So, up standing I will stay. I am really not missing anything, I concluded in the end, just a doily. I contemplated making one that I can put on every train seat I sit on that reads "Business Class" or "Big Cock Class".

That will do just fine.

Follow Ted (MrJohnRain) on Twitter
Comments about This Article
Aint nobody loves me better!
Comment By: Chaka Khan, 16 Jan 2009, Rating: 2/5
...To the last, I grapple with thee; from hell's heart, I stab at thee; for hate's sake, I spit my last breath at thee.

RIP

Comment By: Khan, 16 Jan 2009, Rating: 5/5
I Am the Resurrection
Comment By: Ian Brown, 14 Jan 2009, Rating: 4/5
I never used to believe in God. Then one day I learned of Gozer the Traveler. He will come in one of the pre-chosen forms. During the rectification of the Vuldrini, the traveler came as a large and moving Torg! Then, during the third reconciliation of the last of the McKetrick supplicants, they chose a new form for him: that of a giant Slor! Many Shuvs and Zuuls knew what it was to be roasted in the depths of the Slor that day, I can tell you.

Comment By: The Key Master, 11 Jan 2009, Rating: 5/5
Religion? Pah! No match for a good blaster at your side!
Comment By: Han Solo, 09 Jan 2009, Rating: 4/5
The good thing about religion is that there are some very interesting and important ideas at the heart of all of them. The problem is that have been poisoned and warped by centuries of mans scare-mongering in order to help the masses to be controlled by an unscrupulous few. Sometimes I wish I hadn’t bothered!
Comment By: Jesus, 09 Jan 2009, Rating: 3/5
I’ve had it with these atheist cunts banging on about there being no God. Why don’t they all just fuck off!
Comment By: The Pope, 09 Jan 2009, Rating: 4/5
I love choir boys.
Comment By: Cliff Richard, 09 Jan 2009, Rating: 5/5
I'm not too keen on Christians
Comment By: Satan, 09 Jan 2009, Rating: 5/5
I'm not too keen on Jewish people.
Comment By: Mel Gibson, 09 Jan 2009, Rating: 1/5
When I confidently approached some Christians with the argument that there could not be a god because of the suffering, Holocaust, Goody etc they simply argued that those things were not acts of God but acts of man, and as God created man with free will it is not his responsibility for the way men act, it is man’s responsibility to act in a way that pleases God. Bloody Christians have an answer for everything!
Comment By: Richard Dawkins, 09 Jan 2009, Rating: 4/5
I used to go out with a girl who was into the whole ‘religion’ vibe. She didn’t belong to any organised religion or anything but used to love talking about the greater questions of life, creation and the mysteries of the universe. She referred to herself as being deep and spiritual. Because I was not interested in discussing questions that I knew I would never be able to answer she considered me to not so deep. She’s dead now. I killed her.
Comment By: Robert, 09 Jan 2009, Rating: 3/5
You certainly have the voice of the people, unlike me. Fancy a job ? and I don't mean writing 'hoe downs' for who's line is it anyway. I mean my job, the job of the Prime doodle.
Comment By: Gordon Brown, 09 Jan 2009, Rating: 5/5
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