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Someone Else Holding the Baby Blues
11/01/12
Back to the Future Too
30/12/11
Untold Cooper
29/12/11
A British Defence Against America
08/12/11
Not So Marvellous
07/12/11 Average Rating: 3 out of 5
We need to talk about Gervais
19/10/11 Average Rating: 4 out of 5
A Quarter Life Crisis
06/10/11 Average Rating: 4 out of 5
Confessions of a Dangerous Mind
05/10/11 Average Rating: 4 out of 5
An open letter to George Lucas.
01/09/11
Burn Hollywood Burn
19/07/11
The Apprenticed
18/07/11
In Praise of ITV
03/07/11
Sick
28/06/11
Know the Drill
03/06/11
Modern Cinemas are Rubbish
02/06/11 Average Rating: 5 out of 5
My Tooth Story
26/05/11
Game of PWNS
24/05/11 Average Rating: 5 out of 5
West is West
19/05/11 Average Rating: 5 out of 5
Crime Crime Crime
17/05/11
The Bored Room
11/05/11 Average Rating: 5 out of 5
The Future Shock
09/05/11
The Worm That Eats Itself
06/05/11 Average Rating: 5 out of 5
The Life Atwatic
24/04/11
Driving Like A Dick
17/04/11 Average Rating: 5 out of 5
A Penny For My Thoughts
27/03/11 Average Rating: 2 out of 5
The Needle and the Damage Done
23/03/11 Average Rating: 5 out of 5
The Meaning of Life Part 1 : Birth
16/03/11 Average Rating: 3 out of 5
10 O Clock Dive
21/01/11 Average Rating: 4.3 out of 5
Falling off of the Witches Hat
19/01/11 Average Rating: 5 out of 5
Small Talk
18/01/11 Average Rating: 4.8 out of 5
The Waiting Game
13/01/11 Average Rating: 5 out of 5
2011
05/01/11
2010
31/12/10 Average Rating: 5 out of 5
Police Stop
30/12/10 Average Rating: 5 out of 5
Z Cast
29/12/10 Average Rating: 5 out of 5
The Crazy Adventures of Bastian and Atreyu
09/12/10
A note to my son or daughter.
08/12/10 Average Rating: 5 out of 5
Baby I can drive your car
22/10/10 Average Rating: 4.3 out of 5
A Good Society
10/09/10
The National Sport of Rubbernecking
09/09/10 Average Rating: 5 out of 5
Scanners 2
08/09/10
What mean Expendable?
07/09/10 Average Rating: 4.3 out of 5
Adventures in Babyhaving
06/09/10 Average Rating: 0 out of 5
Warning : Speculation
12/07/10 Average Rating: 4.5 out of 5
Adventures in driving
07/07/10 Average Rating: 5 out of 5
A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away...
05/07/10 Average Rating: 4 out of 5
Pipe Up
23/04/10 Average Rating: 5 out of 5
More Bard News
21/04/10 Average Rating: 5 out of 5
Volcanoes and Elections
20/04/10 Average Rating: 5 out of 5
Grumpy Old Deathwish
29/03/10
The Apple
27/03/10 Average Rating: 2 out of 5
1987
26/03/10 Average Rating: 5 out of 5
The Long Bad Wednesday
25/03/10
Art for Art's Sake
23/03/10 Average Rating: 5 out of 5
Modern Slash
22/03/10 Average Rating: 5 out of 5
A Little Bit 'Special'
16/03/10 Average Rating: 5 out of 5
Dead Happy
05/03/10 Average Rating: 3.3 out of 5
Video Killed The Radio Stars
03/03/10 Average Rating: 5 out of 5
Sunday Zoo
01/03/10
Im Flugzeug
20/02/10 Average Rating: 5 out of 5
Radio Times
17/02/10 Average Rating: 5 out of 5
Intellectual Property
16/02/10
Happy Loveday
15/02/10
A Load of Pony
25/01/10
I Want To Lie Down With A Lion
18/01/10 Average Rating: 5 out of 5
'You Lecherous Moron'
17/01/10 Average Rating: 5 out of 5
A National Treasure
15/01/10
Snow
13/01/10 Average Rating: 5 out of 5
Friday The 13th
12/01/10 Average Rating: 5 out of 5
Steaks are High
11/01/10 Average Rating: 4.2 out of 5
Some Mothers Do 'Ave 'Em
16/11/09 Average Rating: 5 out of 5
BBC Bashing
10/11/09 Average Rating: 5 out of 5
Kenny Effing Powers!
09/11/09
No More Heroes
06/11/09 Average Rating: 3.7 out of 5
What I Did In My Holidays
04/11/09
Jellyneck
22/09/09 Average Rating: 3 out of 5
Can Buy Me Love
10/09/09
Memory Lane
27/08/09 Average Rating: 4 out of 5
Shitting Stars
26/08/09
The Life and Death of My Pop Star Life
25/08/09 Average Rating: 5 out of 5
Are You Being Offended?
24/08/09 Average Rating: 5 out of 5
My Generation
14/08/09 Average Rating: 5 out of 5
Home Alone 2 : Lost In 1939-1945
12/08/09 Average Rating: 4.3 out of 5
Home Alone
29/07/09 Average Rating: 3 out of 5
Context
28/07/09 Average Rating: 2.7 out of 5
Summer is a bummer
27/07/09 Average Rating: 5 out of 5
Time Waster
26/07/09 Average Rating: 5 out of 5
Yes, but how did it Happen??
25/07/09
He Must Have Some Agent
24/07/09 Average Rating: 3.8 out of 5
Day 2
23/07/09 Average Rating: 4.3 out of 5
A New Morning
22/07/09 Average Rating: 4.1 out of 5
The Sadness
21/07/09
Who Punishes The Punisher?
17/07/09 Average Rating: 5 out of 5
The New Blog
09/07/09 Average Rating: 5 out of 5
Baby, You're A Ritchie Man
21/05/09 Average Rating: 3 out of 5
An Englishman's Home Is His Castle
20/05/09 Average Rating: 5 out of 5
The Return
05/05/09 Average Rating: 5 out of 5
Double Trouble
06/04/09
It's The End Of The World As I Know It
05/04/09 Average Rating: 5 out of 5
Not Good Enough
30/03/09 Average Rating: 3 out of 5
Picture This
24/03/09 Average Rating: 5 out of 5
Size Matters
22/03/09 Average Rating: 5 out of 5
The Death of Mother Tongue
19/03/09 Average Rating: 5 out of 5
I Am Modern Man
18/03/09 Average Rating: 4.6 out of 5
Not Ready
16/03/09 Average Rating: 5 out of 5
Watched
10/03/09 Average Rating: 4 out of 5
Wired
08/03/09
The Running Man
26/02/09 Average Rating: 5 out of 5
Run, Fatboy, Run
25/02/09 Average Rating: 4.7 out of 5
Absent Friends
09/02/09 Average Rating: 4.8 out of 5
Snow Wonder
02/02/09 Average Rating: 4.2 out of 5
A New Breed of Hero
21/01/09 Average Rating: 4.2 out of 5
You Be The Judge
20/01/09 Average Rating: 3.7 out of 5
Take Hart
18/01/09 Average Rating: 5 out of 5
What's In A Name?
17/01/09 Average Rating: 5 out of 5
Don't Remake Me Over
16/01/09 Average Rating: 5 out of 5
Random Fluctuations In The Space Time Continuum!
08/01/09 Average Rating: 3.8 out of 5
The Future Is Already Written
07/01/09
The Shortest Story Ever Told
06/01/09
Demon Seed
03/01/09 Average Rating: 4.5 out of 5
2008
30/12/08 Average Rating: 4 out of 5
What's Cooking?
29/12/08 Average Rating: 3.8 out of 5
A Feel Good Story
21/12/08 Average Rating: 4 out of 5
The Curse
19/12/08 Average Rating: 1.8 out of 5
He's Not The Messiah!
15/12/08 Average Rating: 4 out of 5
Who throws a shoe?
14/12/08
Sneaky Christmas
10/12/08
Feeling Blu
09/12/08 Average Rating: 5 out of 5
SHT
07/12/08
Gategate
02/12/08 Average Rating: 5 out of 5
Comedy of Errors
30/11/08 Average Rating: 3.7 out of 5
For What It's Worth
27/11/08 Average Rating: 2 out of 5
Alan Partridge and Other Less Successful Characters
23/11/08
National Expression
20/11/08 Average Rating: 3 out of 5
A View To A Job
18/11/08 Average Rating: 1 out of 5
Last Bus Gone
17/11/08 Average Rating: 4.1 out of 5
Jungle Nobodies
12/11/08 Average Rating: 5 out of 5
The Cage Strain
11/11/08
A Common Practice In Poland
07/11/08 Average Rating: 5 out of 5
Close Encounters of the West Country Kind
06/11/08 Average Rating: 5 out of 5
David Brent Would Vote For Barack Obama
05/11/08 Average Rating: 5 out of 5
I am Legend
04/11/08 Average Rating: 4 out of 5
Setting The President In The Art World
03/11/08 Average Rating: 5 out of 5
My Word Is My Bond
02/11/08
2008
The year we made contact
30/12/08
I correspond to you, faithful readers, once again from my work based jail cell. Everywhere I look are the empty desks of the bastards who booked this whole Christmas period off.
Not that I can blame them. If only I had been as frugal when it came to taking holiday, I would too be at home now probably just getting up. Alas, due to my stupidity and holiday happy nature, I am at work, bored to the back teeth and sick to the front. We are all pain stakingly watching the clock, well, those that are leaving early are. I was lucky enough to leave early yesterday, but, today I am here until 5.
I mean, 5!? I ask you! Fuck that with a wire brush. I know we must all do our bit and help out whilst our colleagues are at home, possibly wanking, but fucking hell, there is no need to put the boot in.

2008 has been a very interesting year for many reasons, so , I have decided to make a top 10 of 2008 highlights :

10. Steve McClaren's Comedy Dutch Accent
When Steve McClaren was removed from his lofty position as England manager, the comedy began. He said in his farewell press conference that he wasn't the kind of man that would give up, he went on to say that,"I am not one to lie on the beach. I believe I am now a better manager than I was 18 months ago."" He then, left the press conference and went on holiday to lie on a beach. Next time he surfaced, he became manager of FC Twente in Holland. He then gave an interview in which it would seem he decided to audition for the Dutch version of Inspector Clouseau. If you can imagine the funniest mock Dutch porn accent ever, this was it.



9. The Boris Johnson Olympic Hand Over
Whilst most people dont like Boris, I do, he is fantastic value, unless you are from Liverpool.
His ping pong speech (Ping pong's coming home), whilst upsetting most of China, made me laugh out loud and feel proud to be British!



While we are praising Boris for his verbal technique, who can forget his flying headbutt to the balls of a German...



8. The Large Hadron Collider
Another reminder that most journalists only hear what they want to hear. These poor scientists were about to turn on a machine that would replicate the Big Bang and most of the press acted like they were about to destroy the universe. They kind of ignored the fact that it would take a year to actually work and that realistically, there is no chance of it blowing up the world. On the day they turned it on, I woke up to the news that it was the end of days, I nearly shat myself, until I read the whole story, and tucked at the bottom was the boring truth. Then, slowly but surely, it broke. I think a fuse went or something.

7. Brand and Ross
Referred to as a "Prank" by some of the media and "Sachsgate" by the rest, this was only amusing due to the fact that Andrew Sachs didn't give a monkeys and when the media turned up on his door and almost demanded that he be annoyed, he still appeared to not give a monkeys, he accepted their apologies and wanted to forget about it, but, the press still wouldn't leave his door step, they kept probing and asking him the same question until Sachs just basically told them that as far as he was concerned the matter was over and that he didn't want to make a huge fuss about it. He said that they had both made "very sweet" apologies and that was that. The media then left his doorstep and started a pathetic hate campaign aimed at the BBC which resulted in Ross getting suspended, Brand resigning and Lesley Douglas, controller of Radio 2 also resigned. I think Andrew Sachs is the only one who came out of this with his integrity and humility intact to be honest. His grand daughter certainly didn't. She said, "I'm thrilled because justice has been done...It's despicable. Calling me that in public, not only does it damage my relationship with my granddad but it could permanently damage my life as well." She concluded by saying that Brand needed to learn about respecting women. I am surprised she had time to comment in between selling her story to any red top that would listen.

6. My PS3
This is a selfish one, but sue me, it's my blog, get your own.
Initially I was dubious about the PS3. I had heard all sorts of stories about it not letting you play borrowed discs and not being ready, but they were launching it anyway.
But, I upgraded from my XBOX 360 and I bought myself a PS3 in March. As Michael Parkinson said about Sky+. it has changed my life. Sort of.
What a fantastic piece of equipment this baby is, I recommend you all buy one as soon as possible! This clearly demonstrates how empty and shallow my life is, that a piece of electrical equipment makes my top 10 events of the year.

5. The Olympics
To be honest, this is just to make up the 10. I dont think I could have cared less about the Olympics if I tried. But, along with the rest of the nation, I mildly gave a toss when we started winning medals.
So, well done Team GB. I look forward to 2012 in London when the 100 meters runners have to avoid the still drying cement and all the Olympians have to wear hard hats. I think we can all agree, this is splendid satire.

4. Capello Appointed England Manager
Although I was mildly hesitant at first, it has become the appointment of the year. Whilst we havent really played like Brazil just yet, we have had some great results, the Croatia 4-0 away a really great result and the Walcott hat-trick a real highlight. The fact that he has installed a real fear factor into the team is great news, players are shit scared of both him and getting dropped, which is precisely what you want from a national coach. He also seems to be picking players on form as well, which is great news. Let's hope he realises the potential of Gerrard & Lampard together.

3. Obama Fever
I think the whole world was pleased to see Obama win the US Election, eventually anyway. It is just a shame then that he is still waiting to move in. I wouldn't be surprised if Bush is right now shitting in every room and wiping his cock on all the cups and plates.

2. Euro 2008
Fantastic tournament, and for a change, there was no feeling of England related dread and terror. Spain were the team I bet on before it started, and they deservedly won, playing some fantastic football and not relying on diving and penalties like Italy in 2006 or parking the bus like Greece did in 2004. It is a shame then that my bet didn't come off, I did a double bet that Spain would win and Torres would finish top scorer, damnation.

1. The Dark Knight
To say I was excited about this film would be like saying that Kerry Twatona is a bit annoying. I was as giddy as a schoolboy when this came out and made sure I caught it when it was previewed. I really, really enjoyed it and have continued to enjoy it on Blu Ray. Whilst I concede that the ending is a bit shabby, the rest of the film is a highly assured piece of work and the type of film that wholly transcends the fact that it is a comic book movie and should be regarded on its on merits as a modern masterpiece of how it should be done. Glad to see that Heath Ledger got a posthumous nod from the Golden Globes for best supporting actor, lets hope he wins that and gets an Oscar nom as well. I really thought he was that good.

2009 also had its fair share of shit moments as well.

The deaths of Paul Newman, Geoffrey Perkins, Roy Scheider, Heath Ledger, Neil Aspinall, Arthur C. Clarke, Sydney Pollack, Stan Winston, Bernie Mac, Don LaFontaine, Richard Wright, Harold Pinter, Humphrey Lyttelton, Bettie Page, Oliver Postgate, Michael Crichton, Davey Graham & Mitch Mitchell, were really crap as things go, they will all be greatly missed.

Eartha Kitt also died, as my friend Ian commented, she will live on in everyone's heart as rhyming slang for pooing. Like a candle in the wind.

Le Crunch has obviously been a real shitter (with opening gambits like that I should be on Working Lunch) with a giant like Woolworths going tits up, as well as Zavvi (With a name like that, it deserved to).
I think Woolworths will be best remembered by anyone born before 1990 as the nice local high street store where you could get anything you wanted without the bother of shopping around. It was like a mini shopping mall. In the last few years however, it has turned into a confused old man of a shop, where you cant really but what you want anymore, it has no real grasp of modern technology and it is pretty much stuck in 1997. Good pick and mix though. A moments silence for Woolworths.

Let us hope that 2009 offers the same pedigree of good times had by all, apart from anyone that dies, that would be sad.

Follow Ted (MrJohnRain) on Twitter
Comments about This Article
Hey, it took me five years to save up ! It's not my fault I'm slow, I thinks Mz. Pendant your a yearist.
Comment By: The year 1986, 01 Jan 2009, Rating: 5/5
Hudson Hawk was made in 1991. You are a fake person from the past.
Comment By: Jermaine Pedant, 31 Dec 2008, Rating: 5/5
I thought squariels were the in thing and i've just saved up enough spuds to play nintendo with Hudson Hawk and here you are talkin' about ps3's and sky +'s. I'm off to Woolies for Bruce Willis's new single, "Under the Boardwalk" and the reverse side has "Yakety Yak" by the Coasters on it. Sweet !!!
Comment By: The year 1986, 30 Dec 2008, Rating: 5/5
I feel I'm not alone in waiting for Boris Johnson to "put his foot in it"..

The BBC I Player has got to be one of this years highlights (as it was free)

As for The Dark Knight...It should of finished as The Joker was walking away from the hospital (a great shot) & they could of done more with Two Face


Comment By: Smokey Earl, 30 Dec 2008, Rating: 3/5
Oh yes, Sky + was also a highlight of 2008, Mariella Frostrup was spot on.
Comment By: Ted, 30 Dec 2008, Rating: 5/5
The Dark Knight? Really? but the other day you said it was boring and that the end was rubbish! My highlight of the year was getting Sky+. Kelly Brook was right!
Comment By: Jonathan Rogers, 30 Dec 2008, Rating: 1/5
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