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Someone Else Holding the Baby Blues
11/01/12
Back to the Future Too
30/12/11
Untold Cooper
29/12/11
A British Defence Against America
08/12/11
Not So Marvellous
07/12/11 Average Rating: 3 out of 5
We need to talk about Gervais
19/10/11 Average Rating: 4 out of 5
A Quarter Life Crisis
06/10/11 Average Rating: 4 out of 5
Confessions of a Dangerous Mind
05/10/11 Average Rating: 4 out of 5
An open letter to George Lucas.
01/09/11
Burn Hollywood Burn
19/07/11
The Apprenticed
18/07/11
In Praise of ITV
03/07/11
Sick
28/06/11
Know the Drill
03/06/11
Modern Cinemas are Rubbish
02/06/11 Average Rating: 5 out of 5
My Tooth Story
26/05/11
Game of PWNS
24/05/11 Average Rating: 5 out of 5
West is West
19/05/11 Average Rating: 5 out of 5
Crime Crime Crime
17/05/11
The Bored Room
11/05/11 Average Rating: 5 out of 5
The Future Shock
09/05/11
The Worm That Eats Itself
06/05/11 Average Rating: 5 out of 5
The Life Atwatic
24/04/11
Driving Like A Dick
17/04/11 Average Rating: 5 out of 5
A Penny For My Thoughts
27/03/11 Average Rating: 2 out of 5
The Needle and the Damage Done
23/03/11 Average Rating: 5 out of 5
The Meaning of Life Part 1 : Birth
16/03/11 Average Rating: 3 out of 5
10 O Clock Dive
21/01/11 Average Rating: 4.3 out of 5
Falling off of the Witches Hat
19/01/11 Average Rating: 5 out of 5
Small Talk
18/01/11 Average Rating: 4.8 out of 5
The Waiting Game
13/01/11 Average Rating: 5 out of 5
2011
05/01/11
2010
31/12/10 Average Rating: 5 out of 5
Police Stop
30/12/10 Average Rating: 5 out of 5
Z Cast
29/12/10 Average Rating: 5 out of 5
The Crazy Adventures of Bastian and Atreyu
09/12/10
A note to my son or daughter.
08/12/10 Average Rating: 5 out of 5
Baby I can drive your car
22/10/10 Average Rating: 4.3 out of 5
A Good Society
10/09/10
The National Sport of Rubbernecking
09/09/10 Average Rating: 5 out of 5
Scanners 2
08/09/10
What mean Expendable?
07/09/10 Average Rating: 4.3 out of 5
Adventures in Babyhaving
06/09/10 Average Rating: 0 out of 5
Warning : Speculation
12/07/10 Average Rating: 4.5 out of 5
Adventures in driving
07/07/10 Average Rating: 5 out of 5
A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away...
05/07/10 Average Rating: 4 out of 5
Pipe Up
23/04/10 Average Rating: 5 out of 5
More Bard News
21/04/10 Average Rating: 5 out of 5
Volcanoes and Elections
20/04/10 Average Rating: 5 out of 5
Grumpy Old Deathwish
29/03/10
The Apple
27/03/10 Average Rating: 2 out of 5
1987
26/03/10 Average Rating: 5 out of 5
The Long Bad Wednesday
25/03/10
Art for Art's Sake
23/03/10 Average Rating: 5 out of 5
Modern Slash
22/03/10 Average Rating: 5 out of 5
A Little Bit 'Special'
16/03/10 Average Rating: 5 out of 5
Dead Happy
05/03/10 Average Rating: 3.3 out of 5
Video Killed The Radio Stars
03/03/10 Average Rating: 5 out of 5
Sunday Zoo
01/03/10
Im Flugzeug
20/02/10 Average Rating: 5 out of 5
Radio Times
17/02/10 Average Rating: 5 out of 5
Intellectual Property
16/02/10
Happy Loveday
15/02/10
A Load of Pony
25/01/10
I Want To Lie Down With A Lion
18/01/10 Average Rating: 5 out of 5
'You Lecherous Moron'
17/01/10 Average Rating: 5 out of 5
A National Treasure
15/01/10
Snow
13/01/10 Average Rating: 5 out of 5
Friday The 13th
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Steaks are High
11/01/10 Average Rating: 4.2 out of 5
Some Mothers Do 'Ave 'Em
16/11/09 Average Rating: 5 out of 5
BBC Bashing
10/11/09 Average Rating: 5 out of 5
Kenny Effing Powers!
09/11/09
No More Heroes
06/11/09 Average Rating: 3.7 out of 5
What I Did In My Holidays
04/11/09
Jellyneck
22/09/09 Average Rating: 3 out of 5
Can Buy Me Love
10/09/09
Memory Lane
27/08/09 Average Rating: 4 out of 5
Shitting Stars
26/08/09
The Life and Death of My Pop Star Life
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Are You Being Offended?
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My Generation
14/08/09 Average Rating: 5 out of 5
Home Alone 2 : Lost In 1939-1945
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Home Alone
29/07/09 Average Rating: 3 out of 5
Context
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Summer is a bummer
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Time Waster
26/07/09 Average Rating: 5 out of 5
Yes, but how did it Happen??
25/07/09
He Must Have Some Agent
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Day 2
23/07/09 Average Rating: 4.3 out of 5
A New Morning
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The Sadness
21/07/09
Who Punishes The Punisher?
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The New Blog
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Baby, You're A Ritchie Man
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An Englishman's Home Is His Castle
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The Return
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Double Trouble
06/04/09
It's The End Of The World As I Know It
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Not Good Enough
30/03/09 Average Rating: 3 out of 5
Picture This
24/03/09 Average Rating: 5 out of 5
Size Matters
22/03/09 Average Rating: 5 out of 5
The Death of Mother Tongue
19/03/09 Average Rating: 5 out of 5
I Am Modern Man
18/03/09 Average Rating: 4.6 out of 5
Not Ready
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Watched
10/03/09 Average Rating: 4 out of 5
Wired
08/03/09
The Running Man
26/02/09 Average Rating: 5 out of 5
Run, Fatboy, Run
25/02/09 Average Rating: 4.7 out of 5
Absent Friends
09/02/09 Average Rating: 4.8 out of 5
Snow Wonder
02/02/09 Average Rating: 4.2 out of 5
A New Breed of Hero
21/01/09 Average Rating: 4.2 out of 5
You Be The Judge
20/01/09 Average Rating: 3.7 out of 5
Take Hart
18/01/09 Average Rating: 5 out of 5
What's In A Name?
17/01/09 Average Rating: 5 out of 5
Don't Remake Me Over
16/01/09 Average Rating: 5 out of 5
Random Fluctuations In The Space Time Continuum!
08/01/09 Average Rating: 3.8 out of 5
The Future Is Already Written
07/01/09
The Shortest Story Ever Told
06/01/09
Demon Seed
03/01/09 Average Rating: 4.5 out of 5
2008
30/12/08 Average Rating: 4 out of 5
What's Cooking?
29/12/08 Average Rating: 3.8 out of 5
A Feel Good Story
21/12/08 Average Rating: 4 out of 5
The Curse
19/12/08 Average Rating: 1.8 out of 5
He's Not The Messiah!
15/12/08 Average Rating: 4 out of 5
Who throws a shoe?
14/12/08
Sneaky Christmas
10/12/08
Feeling Blu
09/12/08 Average Rating: 5 out of 5
SHT
07/12/08
Gategate
02/12/08 Average Rating: 5 out of 5
Comedy of Errors
30/11/08 Average Rating: 3.7 out of 5
For What It's Worth
27/11/08 Average Rating: 2 out of 5
Alan Partridge and Other Less Successful Characters
23/11/08
National Expression
20/11/08 Average Rating: 3 out of 5
A View To A Job
18/11/08 Average Rating: 1 out of 5
Last Bus Gone
17/11/08 Average Rating: 4.1 out of 5
Jungle Nobodies
12/11/08 Average Rating: 5 out of 5
The Cage Strain
11/11/08
A Common Practice In Poland
07/11/08 Average Rating: 5 out of 5
Close Encounters of the West Country Kind
06/11/08 Average Rating: 5 out of 5
David Brent Would Vote For Barack Obama
05/11/08 Average Rating: 5 out of 5
I am Legend
04/11/08 Average Rating: 4 out of 5
Setting The President In The Art World
03/11/08 Average Rating: 5 out of 5
My Word Is My Bond
02/11/08
What's Cooking?
Or, new year, new danger
29/12/08
Christmas morning is usually an exciting affair, for kids and adults alike. Kids receive some presents (and of course say Happy Birthday to Jeesy Creez) and adults get to chill out and eat Quality Street and Roses until they cant move. Sadly, no one working in Television thinks it's very special. When I turned the TV on Christmas morning I was greeted by a seemingly endless stream of cookery programmes. What is it with Cookery? Can we get over our national obsession with cookery now? Every time you turn on the TV, no matter what the time of day, you will always seem to be able to find a cookery programme. Why cant the programmers have the same obsession with making original content? I know the answer obviously. Because cookery programmes are dirt cheap, apart from Nigella's, who seems to hire the same camera crew as was used in 70's pornography to get that glossy and mildly seedy feel, like rather than looking like she is about to cook something, it appears she is about to suck someone off.
Quality programming on the other hand, costs an arm and a leg in comparison. You could get about 100 episodes of Ready, Steady Cook for one Dr. Who (Not saying that is quality, it is just expensive) You could get 200 Ready, Steady Cook's for one Pride & Prejudice. No wonder they cancelled The Tripods.

But, the BBC are bound by the unique way they are funded to at least seem mildly arsed about supplying original content, not like ITV, which just rips off what is going well on another channel or deals in the tackiest shit ever to grace the screen, like Celebrity Mr & Mrs, a game show so fucking awful that even Michael Howard and his wife's living habits seemed interesting.

Why put on a kiddies film for Christmas morning, when you can have Antony Worrall Thompson cooking something for your amusement, yay! Look at that kids, he just cooked a meal!

I remember when you would eagerly look forward to the Christmas Radio Times to see what amazing films were on for Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. One year, I thought all my Christmas's had come at once when they showed Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom on Christmas morning. It was amazing. I spent all morning opening presents and then the rest of it watching Indy and that fucking annoying kid. Looking back of course, that wasn't that amazing. It would have been better if, instead of them showing Indy's first adventure (check the year at the beginning of the film if you dont believe me, it is set before Raiders, which begs the question, what happened to Short Round?) on Christmas morning, I went for a wee and Fifty Pound notes shot out of my penis. That would have been awesome.

Now we have that limbo period between Christmas and New Year. As I type this I am at work, bored out of my mind, trying to figure out why I am here. Not in an existential way, but in a why did I have to get up at 6.30 to come in here and be bored, there is clearly not a great deal to do, they should have just closed up until the new year, cunts.

New year is a load of toss as well, you have to pay over the odds to go to a pub that you wouldn't normally want to set foot in, just for the privilege of counting from 10 to 0 with a group of strangers. Or, you have to go to some 15 course meal and pay well over the odds for the privilege of wearing an uncomfortable suit and counting down with strangers. Then it costs the fucking earth to get home, then, the next day you feel like Orson's Farm have shat in your head. Myself and my wife will be enjoying the simple pleasures of a home in, three cheers for us.


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Comments about This Article
with a name like Woodcock he should think himself lucky.
Comment By: Pinocchio, 29 Dec 2008, Rating: 5/5
I hate everything ! especially my film
of the same name which made hedgehogs cry !
Comment By: Mr Woodcock, 29 Dec 2008, Rating: 5/5
Hats off to the Smoked Earle !!!
Comment By: Squashed Vader, 29 Dec 2008, Rating: 5/5
Fuck.
Comment By: Gordon Ramsay, 29 Dec 2008, Rating: 2/5
"no matter what the time of day, you will always seem to be able to find a cookery programme." Stop watching UKTV Food then. Idiot.
Comment By: Jamie Oliver, 29 Dec 2008, Rating: 3/5
It could be worse, you could be at home with 3 kids under the age of 10 & the wife's gone to work...
Comment By: Smokey Earl, 29 Dec 2008, Rating: 3/5
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