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08/09/10
Impending fatherhood is like waiting to go on an exciting holiday that you know will change your life forever, so, less of a weekend in Skegness and more of a fortnight in Skegness. Each day that passes feeling like a brick falling from the tonne you have on your back. I am an impatient person by nature, so nine months is a little too long to wait if I am honest. I saw a programme about Humboldt Squid at the weekend. They dont hang around, after they are born they are functioning predators in five days. Mind you, not sure I want to be the father to a Humboldt Squid, people would talk. Even if they didn't, I would have to walk around with my baby squid with those knowing eyes staring at me. One day, I would have to explain how I came to be in this unholiest of union. How did I get a Humboldt Squid pregnant? The mind boggles. Maybe I went deep sea diving, had a few drinks to many and one thing lead to another? Maybe a fishing trip went arie? Who knows. But I would be in a fix, that's for sure.

Enough of this irrelevance.

Yesterday we went back to the hospital for the second baby scan and it was a very different experience to the first. On our first scan, the Ultrasound man was chirpy, camp and very reassuring. By contrast, the lady yesterday was clinical and cold. She kicked off proceedings locating the babies heart, the baby wasn't really playing ball and was fidgeting around and generally avoiding our gaze, she then said something that you just shouldn't say in such a situation, "Babies heart is being naughty". As she had a very cold and clinical approach it sounded very much like she was saying there was something wrong with the babies heart. This got us both worried. She then showed us the heart she had located and pointed out everything was working fine and that it had all four chambers. Then came the brain, stomach, spine, legs, toes, hands and feet. All functioning normally and everything seemed to be A-Ok. Next was the blood flow of the baby, that was very cool. She pressed a button and the baby suddenly looked like the Predator was looking at it. You could see the blood flowing round the body. I was very impressed. The lady said that everything was normal and looked fine.

She took the pictures for us of it and made her notes. We left in a state of anti-climax due to her clinical demeanour. We decided that perhaps the last man was the exception to the rule with his giddiness and happy-go-lucky nature and constant reassurance. Also, we saw him in the morning and the lady was in the afternoon, maybe after twelve they become seriously depressed. That is very possible I suppose. Even so, it was still amazing to see the little thing looking like a small baby. It was lovely to see the little face with it's little hands to it's little mouth. It seemed happy enough to me and so it should, I would be happy lying down for nine months.

Driving lesson last night was good, hadn't had one for a few weeks as my instructor went on holiday. He described to me in great detail about his various fishing trips he enjoyed whilst away. There must be something about me that encourages this, my barber is the same, he tells me in great detail about his car and motorcycles. For the record, I dont know anything about cars, bikes or fish. But I will smile and nod anyway. My barber is deep into a Richard Hammond style mid-life crisis and is surrounding himself with cars, bikes and technology. I feel sorry for him as he is a nice guy, but he needs to realise that he is only a short step away from walking in the snow with a shopping trolley and talking about how he wants his fish filleted in front of him. Not to mention ploughing a jet powered car into a field.

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