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Back to the Future Too
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Not So Marvellous
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Burn Hollywood Burn
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The Apprenticed
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In Praise of ITV
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Sick
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Know the Drill
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Modern Cinemas are Rubbish
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10 O Clock Dive
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Falling off of the Witches Hat
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Scanners 2
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What mean Expendable?
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Warning : Speculation
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Im Flugzeug
Wir sind Englisch....
20/02/10
As a rule, air travel is not an event to be anticipated with glee. In my experience, it is frankly a pain in the anus. The sort you don't go to the doctor about, of course. Not that I have ever needed to.

Having said that, our recent journey to the Fatherland was executed without a hitch. Everthing went exactly as planned, as if pre-ordained by some greater being. (My wife). To begin with, we arrived by car and parked next to the long stay bus stop where the bus was already waiting. Once in the terminal, we were able to check in immediately, though early, under armed guard, and investigated by sniffer dog. There is something preturbing about policemen watching you check in whilst holding giant machine guns.

The flight (Der Flugzeug, Easyjet), was supposed to be one hour and fifty five minutes, but actually took around one hour and twenty, so hardly time to read the opening chapter of Mein Kampf, luckily, it turns out. (Don't mention the war).

When we arrived at the airport I feared the worst, as the group of women who followed me off the plane were the most dicky annoying British shoe obsessed twatty turnip brained idiot-women I have ever encountered. Luckily for me, after passport control they were either picked up or killed and I didn't see them again. Either way, not my problem so thank fuck.

Awaiting me after baggage collection was a very nice German taxi driver holding a sign with my name emblazened upon it (I think he was just pleaed it didn't read 'Leslie Grantham'). That's a first for me, and one to go in the book. Just to let you know, dear readers, it has not gone to my head.

We arrived at our Hotel, bravely expecting the mediocre, but our expectations were confounded when we were met with the nicest hotel room we have ever stayed in complete with double bed (as expected) dressing room (as promised, but completely disregarded), scenic view (not anticipated), couch (whoa) and complimentary sewing kit.

Today we mostly spent our time familiarising ourselves with the many fine drinking establishments of the wonderful city of Berlin, having seen all the sights within walking distance and narrowly escaped being molested by drunken tramps while eating Bratwurst. I must say, the tramps of this city thus far resemble the kind of transients you may find at the beginning of any substandard 1990s Batman film. All dyed hair, piercings and tightly clutched beer bottles. It was certainly amusing that they also hassled the "straights" as they walked past.

We started drinking at a bar called "Paris Bar". The only reason that this place is worth mentioning is for the giant picture on display of some sort of celebrity (Judging by the size of the picture) that we decided was a cross between George McFly from Back to the Future and Jaws from the Bond films. We christened him "Jaws McFly".





The other piece of art in this establishment that caught our eye was a painting of a woman being taken from behind. To say that this was a graphic image is an undersatement. It is staggering. I cannot imagine what I would have said to a child (Had I of been with one) if they had asked what it was, except for, that it was a woman who had fallen over.



We then moved on to a bar with the best landlord in Germany. A piss-head who would let you try out German on him as long as he could try out English on us. It was a pleasant exchange. He was so much fun that we had our picture taken with him, hence the picture at the head of this blog.

So, we left there, rather drunk, went for a curry and are now in our rather awesome hotel room getting ready for bed.

Tomorrow is tourist day. We are going to have a wander and take in some culture. Good luck with that one, I say. Hope we see more fallen women.

Follow Ted (MrJohnRain) on Twitter
Comments about This Article
Sewing kit. Sweet.
Comment By: John Rambo, 20 Feb 2010, Rating: 5/5
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