Close Encounters of The West Country Kind

Close Encounters of the West Country Kind
Or complaining is the new grey
06/11/08

Imagine, if you will, that you are an alien. You are flying around in our night skies looking for someone to kidnapp and very probably anally probe. Would you chose to appear in the night sky over Bristol?

I can only imagine they got lost on the way to see Reg Presley and probe his bottom.
I find the whole phenomenon of U.F.O. sightings very annoying, if they did exist, why do they only appear for a few minutes in the night so no one can make them out, and then bugger off? If aliens are reading this, shit or get off of the pot! Either you exist, or you don't, but stop wasting our time. They are like some sort of intergalactic Dom Jolly, annoying, also, some people say that Dom Jolly did something funny once, but there is no proof, another victim to Area 51. You will just have to make do with Dom Jolly saying "Hello" very loudly when a mobile rings in a public place, this is the only way he will appear to us now.

Of course, there is also the possibility that they don't actually exist or that people are confusing sightings with other things. This latest sighting may just be a weather balloon or Dom Jolly, he is such a subversive joker, like Banksy. I have a new theory about Banksy. When they find a Banksy painting, presumably someone will have to appear and evaluate it? I reckon that person is Banksy, he turns up, looks once and says, "Yep, it's a Banksy, a million quid I reckon." Hey presto, a genius ruse, if it were true. He may also be Dom Jolly, which would be good as I knew there was a reason I hated him other than the fact that he isn't funny. They both share the same subversive genius. I can imagine an art critic now, "Of course, you see the genius of Jolly is that he isn't funny, which of course makes him funny. Just like this crude stencil that Banksy did on my arse of a cock whilst I was asleep, utterly rubbish, but brilliant."

Trigger Happy T.V was a total nonsense, where is the hilarity in behaving like a cunt in public? If you were walking down a high street and someone did something like he does, you wouldn't roll about laughing, you would dismiss him as a frustrated drama student and move on, which would be the correct response, obviously. Anyway, I see I have strayed rather from my point, but never matter.

I see an MP has called for Jeremy Clarkson to be sacked. Chris Mole M.P. said, displaying his lack of a sense of humour, "For Mr Clarkson to make light of murder in any circumstance must be a dismissible offence."
Firstly, I should say that this isnt ANY MP He represents Ipswich. But, I don't think he represents lorry drivers does he? Is he an MP for lorry drivers?? No, no he fucking isnt. That is who the joke was mocking, not the Steve Wright murders in 2006. I can understand why he has to be seen to be outraged, but come on, some perspective please. At this rate the BBC will only have Dale Winton left, who should have been fired years ago as his horrific brown tan only serves to mock the millions of black slaves who suffered in the 19th century, Winton should be ashamed, for Mr. Winton to make light of such a matter must be a dismissible offence. We have come a long way since the Black and White minstrels Winton, stop being racist. I may complain to the BBC at once.
Dear BBC, oh, I cant be arsed. I won't stoop to their level.

Talking of stooping to their level, I see two men of restricted size are going to have a punch up, I will be there, ring side of the biscuit tin in which they will be holding the bout. Only joking of course. Please don't complain.

Comments about This Article

I have a good sense of humour, and fully appreciate a good joke or a light hearted frivolity in the right context. However to make light of the serious issue of the public's right to compalin is downright offensive, and I will be calling for your immediate resignation or dismissal from your over paid position at Hobo Bonobo. Comment By: Dermot, 06 Nov 2008, Rating: 5/5

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