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Someone Else Holding the Baby Blues
11/01/12 Average Rating: 3 out of 5
Back to the Future Too
30/12/11
Untold Cooper
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A British Defence Against America
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Not So Marvellous
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Burn Hollywood Burn
19/07/11
The Apprenticed
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In Praise of ITV
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Sick
28/06/11
Know the Drill
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Modern Cinemas are Rubbish
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10 O Clock Dive
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09/12/10
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10/09/10
The National Sport of Rubbernecking
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Scanners 2
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Warning : Speculation
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My Word Is My Bond
02/11/08
Steaks are High
Don't have a Butchers
11/01/10
Customer service, much like being pleasant, or, if you will, expecting repeat custom, costs nothing. However, the woman working in our local butcher shop seems to be blazing a trail in inverse customer service. A sort of "Customer Fuck off".

She was rude to my wife over Christmas for having the gall to check to see if the Turkey had arrived that we spent a wing and a talon on and on Saturday, she was rude to me for asking a simple question.

I entered the butchers shop and couldn't see any cuts of steak on display. So, I approached the counter and asked (In a quite unconfident way) if they had any steak. Now, it isn't as if I walked into a hardware shop and asked this question, but the reply she gave in the most short way imaginable was, "What? I'm sorry, I don't know what you mean." Whilst written down, this doesn't seem too aggressive or insulting, it was all in the delivery. By spluttering this sentence at me, she may have well said, "What the fuck are you talking about? Steak? Steak? I have never heard of a "steak"! Whilst this may look like a butchers shop, it is actually an elaborate Monty Python sketch. Now you must come in again and ask for cheese or something. Oh, and fuck off".

I was stunned into a chasm of inadequacy. I felt like I was being tested or that there was some sort of password system in place. I looked at her for a moment in utter confusion. Had I come into the wrong shop? Is steak not the word they use any more? Is this another example of Broken Britain that I am always hearing about? Are ITV news going to run another week of news coverage from live outside of this butchers shop? Are we really in the middle of a crisis here? Well, no is the answer as suddenly the actual butcher entered the picture and began to use logic, thankfully.
"Steak?" he said, in a warm friendly, cheeky-cockney-butcher way. You know the type. The type of butcher who would make jokes about giving meat to housewives. On a side note, in Watford, there is a butchers shop called "Pleased to meet you, Meat to please you" which is amazing. Anyway, the butcher got a big lump of meat from behind the counter and cut us a some steak. After a few exchanges of friendly banter we left and were more than satisfied with his meat.

I hope you were watching woman standing behind him. That is how you deal with people. Be friendly and helpful. If someone asks for steak, why not assume it is something you sell in your capacity as a butchers shop? Probably best not to act like they are fucking stupid or not with it at all. If I worked in a butchers shop, I would be prepared for the eventuality that someone, someday may want to purchase meat from me. I also may well expect that if someone paid £50 for a turkey they may want to check it has been delivered OK. Anyway, that's enough about that.

So, I have been ill for about 3 weeks now. It started with a minor cough, then went "Nuclear" on boxing day. Since then I haven't been able to taste or hear out of my right ear. I must say, I am very bored with it all now and would really like to be able to taste again. Dinner has been so boring lately. The only advantage with not being able to smell is that I have been able to use the toilets at work without wanting to be sick. If only my hearing would go as well, then I wouldn't have to listen to people storming into the cubicles and unleashing hell. Though, as I say, not having to smell it is good.

I am just left now with a blocked nose, head congestion and no smell, taste and deaf in left ear. Most uninteresting I must say.

I have been relying on old rubbish films to watch on a make shift sofa bed to keep me sane during my illness. I ended up gleaning much enjoyment from the On The Buses films. I must say, whilst they are clearly rubbish on every possible level. I did enjoy revisiting them. Oh how I wish I was Jack or Stan. They were actual legends. They were repellent, ugly, smelly and very possibly mentally ill, but they got through more birds than Bill Oddies binoculars.I found it most amusing (infact, it possibly made me want to watch them more) to have them on whilst my wife was trying to read in the same room. She ended up becoming most horrified by the behaviour of Jack, Stan and Olive's flatulent baby. She also was perplexed to say the least at each time Blakey appeared on the screen. I think the thing she was most staggered by is that all of the films were released in the cinema. Which to be honest, does seem amazing. There is very little going on in these films and they mainly coast along on charm, which is probably where they go wrong, as they have very little. Had I not have grown up being aware of them, I am sure I would be just as surprised and confused by their existence. But the fact remains, no man can watch them and not admire the work of Stan and Jack.



I think I will apply for a job at my local bus garage.


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Comments about This Article
You also said you couldn't taste out of your right ear, but no one complained.. oh, they did.
Comment By: Smart-arse, 13 Jan 2010, Rating: 5/5
I like the way I put that I am deaf in the left and the right ears. Just for the sake of transparency, I am deaf in the right ear.
Comment By: Ted, 12 Jan 2010, Rating: 5/5
I agree with your wife, I too have difficulty in tasting out of my ears! Maybe we I hope we do not become an endangered species
Comment By: maureen rain, 12 Jan 2010, Rating: 0/5
your wife is a bit of a smart-arse
Comment By: a friend, 12 Jan 2010, Rating: 5/5
On The Buses can still be seen on ITV3 & is still as funny & smutty as I remember it!
Comment By: Smokey Earl, 12 Jan 2010, Rating: 5/5
I can't taste out of either of my ears - think yourself lucky!
Comment By: Your Wife, 11 Jan 2010, Rating: 5/5
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