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Someone Else Holding the Baby Blues
11/01/12 Average Rating: 3 out of 5
Back to the Future Too
30/12/11
Untold Cooper
29/12/11
A British Defence Against America
08/12/11
Not So Marvellous
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We need to talk about Gervais
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A Quarter Life Crisis
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Confessions of a Dangerous Mind
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An open letter to George Lucas.
01/09/11
Burn Hollywood Burn
19/07/11
The Apprenticed
18/07/11
In Praise of ITV
03/07/11
Sick
28/06/11
Know the Drill
03/06/11
Modern Cinemas are Rubbish
02/06/11 Average Rating: 5 out of 5
My Tooth Story
26/05/11
Game of PWNS
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West is West
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Crime Crime Crime
17/05/11
The Bored Room
11/05/11 Average Rating: 5 out of 5
The Future Shock
09/05/11
The Worm That Eats Itself
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The Life Atwatic
24/04/11
Driving Like A Dick
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A Penny For My Thoughts
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The Needle and the Damage Done
23/03/11 Average Rating: 5 out of 5
The Meaning of Life Part 1 : Birth
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10 O Clock Dive
21/01/11 Average Rating: 4.3 out of 5
Falling off of the Witches Hat
19/01/11 Average Rating: 5 out of 5
Small Talk
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The Waiting Game
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2011
05/01/11
2010
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Police Stop
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Z Cast
29/12/10 Average Rating: 5 out of 5
The Crazy Adventures of Bastian and Atreyu
09/12/10
A note to my son or daughter.
08/12/10 Average Rating: 5 out of 5
Baby I can drive your car
22/10/10 Average Rating: 4.3 out of 5
A Good Society
10/09/10
The National Sport of Rubbernecking
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Scanners 2
08/09/10
What mean Expendable?
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Adventures in Babyhaving
06/09/10 Average Rating: 0 out of 5
Warning : Speculation
12/07/10 Average Rating: 4.5 out of 5
Adventures in driving
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A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away...
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Pipe Up
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More Bard News
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Volcanoes and Elections
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Grumpy Old Deathwish
29/03/10
The Apple
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1987
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The Long Bad Wednesday
25/03/10
Art for Art's Sake
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Modern Slash
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A Little Bit 'Special'
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Dead Happy
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Video Killed The Radio Stars
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Sunday Zoo
01/03/10
Im Flugzeug
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Radio Times
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Intellectual Property
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Happy Loveday
15/02/10
A Load of Pony
25/01/10
I Want To Lie Down With A Lion
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'You Lecherous Moron'
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A National Treasure
15/01/10
Snow
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Steaks are High
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Some Mothers Do 'Ave 'Em
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BBC Bashing
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Kenny Effing Powers!
09/11/09
No More Heroes
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What I Did In My Holidays
04/11/09
Jellyneck
22/09/09 Average Rating: 3 out of 5
Can Buy Me Love
10/09/09
Memory Lane
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Shitting Stars
26/08/09
The Life and Death of My Pop Star Life
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Are You Being Offended?
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My Generation
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Home Alone 2 : Lost In 1939-1945
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Home Alone
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Context
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Summer is a bummer
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Time Waster
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Yes, but how did it Happen??
25/07/09
He Must Have Some Agent
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Day 2
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A New Morning
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The Sadness
21/07/09
Who Punishes The Punisher?
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The New Blog
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Baby, You're A Ritchie Man
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An Englishman's Home Is His Castle
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The Return
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Double Trouble
06/04/09
It's The End Of The World As I Know It
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Not Good Enough
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Picture This
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Size Matters
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The Death of Mother Tongue
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I Am Modern Man
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Not Ready
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Watched
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Wired
08/03/09
The Running Man
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Run, Fatboy, Run
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Absent Friends
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Snow Wonder
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A New Breed of Hero
21/01/09 Average Rating: 4.2 out of 5
You Be The Judge
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Take Hart
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What's In A Name?
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Don't Remake Me Over
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Random Fluctuations In The Space Time Continuum!
08/01/09 Average Rating: 3.8 out of 5
The Future Is Already Written
07/01/09
The Shortest Story Ever Told
06/01/09
Demon Seed
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2008
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What's Cooking?
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A Feel Good Story
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The Curse
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He's Not The Messiah!
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Who throws a shoe?
14/12/08
Sneaky Christmas
10/12/08
Feeling Blu
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SHT
07/12/08
Gategate
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Comedy of Errors
30/11/08 Average Rating: 3.7 out of 5
For What It's Worth
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Alan Partridge and Other Less Successful Characters
23/11/08
National Expression
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A View To A Job
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Last Bus Gone
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The Cage Strain
11/11/08
A Common Practice In Poland
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Close Encounters of the West Country Kind
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David Brent Would Vote For Barack Obama
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I am Legend
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Setting The President In The Art World
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My Word Is My Bond
02/11/08
Home Alone 2 : Lost In 1939-1945
The long dark tea time of the soul
12/08/09
It hasn't escaped my attention that without my wife, I would be dead. For when she goes away, my good brain goes with her and I find myself eating rubbish and generally not being bothered to cook myself a meal, you know, not like I need sustenance is it?

You give me a fish and he will eat for a day, give me a fishing rod and I will probably just abandon it and go to Tesco.

Most men I know, are not like this. I hear tales of amazing meals they have cooked and prepared. I am happy with Crunchy Nut Cornflakes or toast (sometimes with beans). I think that if you are not used to living alone and only cooking for yourself, that's it, that's the end. You end up sitting around in pants, eating cereal and watching Rawhead Rex until 3am, by which time you are feeling like your kidneys are bursting.

My wife took pity on my period of isolation and bought me "The World at War". 11 discs of pure rapture and joy. Totalling 32 hours of unbridled tales of misery, death and destruction. I simply cannot wait.

I am at the moment, on the second disc of "Nazis : A Warning From History" which is just so interesting I couldn't stop watching last night. I put it on to watch one and ended up watching the whole first disc until 1am.

As a man, I was born with an obsession with facts. I rarely read fiction novels and my book collection consists mainly of biographies, memoirs and historical facts. My favourite subject at school, after art, was history. I am fascinated with all the intricate events that lead up to, and followed, some of the worlds biggest events in history.

At school we covered the first World War, but never got on to World War 2, which always annoyed me. Maybe if I had stayed on for the sixth form I would know all I know now. I find WW2 fascinating. Some of the most evil deeds in history were committed and Hitler is the worlds greatest baddie. Watching some of the early footage of Hitler (and indeed the later footage) barking vitriol at his followers is almost like watching Alan Rickman in "Robin Hood : Prince of Thieves". It is almost like he is over egging his part. We understand you are evil Adolf, stop shouting and hamming it up like a bizarre panto villain.

It seems so odd to me that he was ever given power. It must have been clear that behind his determination and anger was a serious mental imbalance. The obsession with purity and order combined with that irrational hatred against a race of people is just quite clearly a huge sign of insanity.

I am well aware I am sounding like Mark Corrigan from Peep Show with my ever increasing WW2 obsession, but I don't care. I am a man and I like war.

She is away, again, until Sunday. I should be the MOST knowledgeable source of all matters WW2 by then.

This weekend also sees the start of the new football season (Premier League anyway) and the return of the wonderful Jeff Stelling and Soccer Saturday. I also have a paying gig Saturday night, so, you could say, live football, combined with £120 and War, make me a happy chap.

Yes, I am odd. I hope when my wife returns I am not too far gone. I can imagine I will be digging a foxhole in the living room and lobbing grenades at the postman.

Follow Ted (MrJohnRain) on Twitter
Comments about This Article
Thanks to the gadget show I've just discovered "quake online". Now I have a new friend. God bless isolation and intravetidness. And a man can survive on sweets and pear cider alone. I've been doing it for years with only twenty visits to casualty per annum. Society may not welcome me at the moment; but just wait until aliens invade or a.i takes over, then we'll see whom needs whom. God bless the single man left to fend for himself until he goes ferrell; and fuck everyone else.
Comment By: A concearned citizen, 12 Aug 2009, Rating: 4/5
*Shamed*
.......yes...........
Comment By: John, 12 Aug 2009, Rating: 5/5
Or masturbating furiously to internet porn.
Comment By: Mark Thwaites, 12 Aug 2009, Rating: 4/5
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