Zelda's Diary

I am Zelda, an android of great beauty and wisdom. I have travelled far with my immediate family (it's never made clear how a droid like me could have offspring, or siblings, but there you go), with the intention of taking over the Earth, as we are in dire need of living space. We have set up base on Mars, and we continually think of truly ingenious plans (for ingenious, read utterly rubbish), to defeat the Earth's Protectors, the Terrahawks, led by the insufferable Dr Tiger Ninestein. I have heard Tiger is keeping a diary, and as it is impossible for him to outdo me, I too have begun one, and it is much better.

29th May

Today I woke up early, did the washing up, and made a new pen (by removing and adapting parts of Young Star while he slept), for the purpose of writing this diary. I've come up with an ingenious and foolproof plan to defeat the Terrahawks, and this time it can't possibly fail. Oh diary, it's such a pleasure to have an intelligent audience (the future me) to relate my plans to. Sometimes I think Cyn Star and Young Star just don't get it. I really don't know why I made them - wish I could find the original plans so I could remember how to destroy them (and use the parts to make more versions of me).

29th May (evening)

Plan failed. Can't understand why, perhaps I should explain. My supposedly foolproof plan involved sending Sram (a truly excellent creation who can make one particular mountain crumble repeatedly just by roaring), in a mini cooper the wrong way around the one way system in Harrogate town centre, thereby causing chaos and confusion, in the midst of which I intended to take over the Terrahawks' base. I can't believe that the detestable Ninestein suspected this was a trap and kept the Terrahawks at base all day, and to top it off, Sram incurred a £30 penalty, for which I, of course, have to foot the bill.