A Look Into Cosmology, Quantum Birectol Displacement, and other ramblings with Sir Donald Sinden
Greetings and welcome to my 'look into'.
The names Sindon, Donald Sindon; sorry to come across all James Bondy; err, no I'm not and even though I am a knight of the realm I rarely use the 'Sir' bit so think of this as an informal experience with little to no need of standing on ceremony every time I hold my vintage port aloft and throw in a ‘god save the queen' just because I can: notice how I didn't say ‘cos just then - I'm just that posh; The queen doesn't give knighthoods to every Tom, Dick and Windsor Davies' you know.
Oh; I seem to have gone off topic. Err; ‘god save the queen'
And now back to business, which incidentally is open form 9am to 3pm, four days a week with a first rate selection of fine antiquities which are far superior to the ones in Oliver Smallbridges' antique shop. That's right folks, Simon Peels antiques; say it, remember it; come round on Wednesdays and you can find Davies and I double teaming Honor Blackman, or as we call her; no Honor Bumfu… ‘god save the queen'
Oh; off piste again, well I am old and drunk.
So friends, unless you're looking for a sterling silver queen Anne jam bowl with matching lid, then I shall begin; although I should mention it's only ever been used for loganberry conserve and an occasional port and mango chutney session, unlike Smallbridges' which used to store nasal discharges. ‘god save the queen'
Throughout the course of this work think of me as the Michael Moore of cosmology, I shall be revealing what scientists just don't want you to know, a truth that is incomprehensible to most 21st century brains.
By now we all know what the big bang is. In France it is called, ‘le garmonde', in religious circles it is known as, ‘la, la, la, I can't hear you with my fingers in my ears'; but in my eyes, it still leaves a massive question unanswered. What preceded the start of everything ?, a question Scientists conveniently can't answer or even theorise about and when asked simply claim their speak and spell has been subject to a technical non de plume and scurry off through a trap door.
So; what indeed did precede the start of everything. You may be surprised that the answer rests in one of the fine antiques in my shop; (Peels antiques. If you can find it cheaper in any other antique shop; it's a fraud - or stolen if it's from Smallbridges') The answer rests in the queen Anne jam bowl. The inside of the bowl is shaped like a half circle and if you were to drop a frozen pea at the right speed it would roll right round the bowl to the end of the other side before stopping and staring a return journey thus demonstrating the start and end of said journey, or in this case, the start and end of the universe. Now, imagine you'd started the pea on it's journey and quickly closed the matching lid allowing the pea to go round and round for ever.
Now, that only leaves one question. What started it all in the first place. That my friends is the simplest answer of all; it was me.
And that's what scientists are afraid to tell you. You're all in a silver queen Anne jam bowl on a Jacobean welsh dressed with 42% off for today only in Peels antique shop during season two of Never the Twain. And if you need further proof, copy and paste this into your browser.
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