If you, like me, are fed up with "rip-off" Britain with all it's whining Liberals sullying the water for all us blinkered racist bigots, you may like to read on.
I am Richard Littlejohn and I hate anything that is mildly different from my increasingly outdated views on a society that only really existed in Enid Blyton books.
Afterall, it was only last week that we didn't have to lock our doors, the milkman wasn't a terrorist, children had respect and you could be racist to minorities and laugh about it as it was funny.
There are many things that annoy me about the modern world, immigration, shoe theft, one armed men murdering wives and lastly, but by no means leastly, Perverts.
We really should make a stand on perverts and send them back from where they came from, Pervertia probably.
Perverts ruin our lovely society, pure and simple, especially the ones that eat plops.
I once read about a man that liked to fart into a welly and then smell it, the sick pervert would get off on this and then eat a Budgie wrapped in bin bags (him, not the Budgie), what a sick world we live in these days.
Not to mention that man who dressed as a lady and thought it was funny, I used to see him in ladies clothes laughing about it and he would be covered in make up. In fact, it became such an obsession to him that many observers felt that that he was in danger of becoming incredibly boring, and sadly, it happened, no one cared any more about the man-lady, even though he was convinced that he was being "out there" and whacky. Yes, that is right, Eddie Izzard, I am talking about you, sicko. (Did you see how I did that? I am so clever)
What is wrong with liking women anyway? To me, there is no finer sight than a bird with big bouncing bristols serving me a pint in my local, there is nothing more British than that, not some mincing Gordon serving me a gin and tonic with out stretched little fingers, I wont stand for that, I know what is going on there, don't worry about that, they all obviously want to have sex with me, but I wont let them, that is for sure, I like girls, especially exploited page 3 girls with big knock knocks, there really is nothing better than that.
Women would have you believe that I am sexist, but it simply isn't true, I just don't like women, there is nothing sexist about that, its nothing personal, it's just that I see them as a piece of meat, I am sure that they are nice and that, I just don't see what all the fuss is about regarding their personalities. It is a scientific fact that they are all stupid, that is why you will never have one writing an ill informed column in a tabloid, sorry girls, but it is true. Well, apart from Jane Moore and Lorraine Kelly, but they aren't really women anyway, they just look like one.
The worst pervert I can think of is that one who was found in bed with 2 chickens and a goose, that is sick, he said he couldn't help it, but I don't believe him. He needs stringing up, though, he'll probably enjoy that.
In my many years of journalism, I have had to cover some sick stories, but also some good "feel good" stories about cats stuck in trees, old ladies being helped across the road and war.
If these perverts got their way the cats would be in a tree being filmed felating a squirrel, old ladies would be having free love on a zebra crossing and there would be no war at all, I don't even want to imagine that world, mind you, they would probably all like page 3, so every cloud does have a silver lining I suppose.
So, to conclude, it is wrong to be a pervert, now, come on Britain, let's organise a protest against them, my idea involves, Sam Fox, topless in a tank, storming the gates of Pervetia.
If the kids (middle aged bigots) are divided they will never be united!
is that how it goes? I don't know anymore.
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