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A LOOK INTO INDEX A Look Into being a crackpot with Klaus Kinski  A Look Into Going To The Toilet Outdoors with Bear Grylls   A Look Into The Seedy World of Underground Sports with Trevor McDonald  A Look Into Saving The Fish with Ted Danson  A Look Into Area 51 with Larry Hagman  A Look Into Cross-Dressing with Eddie Izzard  A Look Into pathalogical lying with Steven Seagal  A Look Into Cooking with Richard Griffiths  A Look Into getting kicked in the bollocks with Michel Lonsdale  A Look Into Shooting Monkeys with Kelsey Grammer  A Look Into Murder with Professor Heinz Wolf  A Look Into Time Travel with Terry Thomas  A Look Into Perverts with Richard Littlejohn A Look Into why I manipulated the course of history so Dangermouse could exist with Peter Wyngarde  A Look Into Robots with Peter Stringfellow More...

A Look Into why I manipulated the course of history so Dangermouse could exist with Peter Wyngarde Hello, I'm Peter Wyngarde. You may not remember me but I remember you. If you do remember me It may be for my part as Jason King in the popular show of the same name or perhaps for elevating Anton Rodgers to an acting god or even for my music. One things for sure, in the early 70's I had it all and I smelt great, really great. Cars, woman, a moustache and hairdoo which were legendry. Alas, 'twas not enough. One weekday in 1972 everything changed; after leaving my batchelor pad, 'Alan', early in the afternoon I found myself as always checking me out in the reflection of my Bentley when I was momenteraly distracted, looking frantically up and down Baker street in posh London I realised there was not one lady out there whose cherry I hadn't cracked. With haste I slipped inside the Bently; (or Alan as I called her in a saucy french way), carressing her supple leather seats as slid my manly yet soft hands closer and closer to her throbbing, vibrating gearstick allowing my pinky ring to rub gently over her leather head, slowly but with the force of a predator I moved my head towards it moistening my manly moustache ; (or as I call her, Aran in a saucy Chineese way), in anticipation. I was startled when a voice in the back seat asked if this was in the script; "Nooo", I yelled, "I can't do this anymore". There were more important things at hand. "Do what ?", said the director. I had to think quick, I had to leave this life of being an actor and a gentleman with a non gentlemanly lie. "This, I'm supposed to be a secret agent but your always filming me" There was a brief silence before they slipped out of Alan. At last I was free. Now, having gentlemanly sex with every woman on earth does something to a man, especially a man's man. It was like that bit at the end of Highlander when Larry Fishburn tells Zardoz he's the one; well, all the knowledge in the universe was handed to me filtered through Aran straight into my mouth. I knew what I had to do; times, places and dates; It would all come together in 1981. However my work would finish in Gloucester, 1975. The time and date - 1975, a weekday - Three years had past, I emerged from the post box I had been hiding in with 89 episodes of pure gold revolving round a gentleman mouse, his plucky young assistant and their yellow Bentley. The place - a Gloucester bus station The person - Angus P. Allan The charge - Gross Indecency The outcome - One happy Peter with the unchartered frontier of man loving ahead of him and the part of General Klytus in Flash Gordon to look foreward to The benefit to the world - Well; you decide !! Your pal, P.W Nb. For the record, Angus P. Allan claimed I forced myself on him at the bus station and that I handed him 17,000 pages with nothing but Alan written on them and that in doing this could have not manipulated the couse of history. Well; you decide !! P.W (Courtesy of Mr Lego Indiana Jones) Comments about This Article Dear Peter, can I have my pinky ring back. This will be my final request before I send in the boys. Comment By: Baron Silas Von Greenback, 02 Aug 2008, Rating: 0/5 Si, Baroni; you wanna me to whack Dangermouse because he taka the shit on your table. Comment By: Stiletto, 02 Aug 2008, Rating: 5/5 alan, alan, alan, alan, alan, alan - Thats another episode penned. Comment By: Penfold, 02 Aug 2008, Rating: 5/5 Comment on This Article Your comment will be added automatically once you click on submit. Your name: Comment: Overall Rating out of Five: ZeroOneTwoThreeFourFive Back to Index Page | What's New | Search | Links | Link to Us | Feedback | Contact Us | Site Map The opinions expressed on Hobo-Bonobo.co.uk are not those of anyone, particularly not the people to whom they have been accredited. The content of the site is intended to be humourous, and is not intended to offend anyone.