Hi, I'm Peter Falk, you may know me as TV's dirty detective, Columbo.
My wife and I enjoy nature walks, I am a keen bird watcher (even though I only have one eye, imagine that). we have a small Avery full of beautiful birds, my wife buys many of them and puts them on show, her owls are very popular, people come from all over the U.S to see her hooters, she also has the largest British bird collection in America, she often lets people look at her tits and they pay through the nose to do it.
In the 1970's I agreed to play T.V.'s Alan Columbo, it was the best decision I ever made, I agreed to star as the dirty detective only if I could use it as a platform for promoting endangered species. If you look carefully in the episode, "Ideal for framing" you can see many references to the Bengal Tiger, I also say the word "Dodo" at least twice and the murderer at the end says he wishes that many indigenous animals throughout the world were on the brink of extinction.
Each episode was structured to make you think. The episode, "Killing Time" was another fine example, the killer strangles the victim with a length of Egyptian spider web, then the victim falls onto a polar bear skin rug and is then beaten with the thigh bone from the Tasmanian Tiger. Obviously we had to kill these animals to make our point, in the case of the Tasmanian Tiger it was the last one found alive, but you cant make an omelette without breaking eggs.
People often ask how I lost my eye in the first place, there are many rumours, let me set the record straight. The number one rumour at the moment is that I was peeping on a lady getting undressed and that she had such an amazing pair of charlies that my eye popped out, this is simply not the truth, that did happen though, but not the eye bit.
The truth is that I was reading a book that was so scary my eye ran for its own life and fell out, it was a book I will never forget, Rawhead Rex by Clive Barker, I then leant the book to Sammy Davis Jr, his eye also ran away, he then leant it to Stevie Wonder, his eyes stopped working through pure fear.
I would hate to think what would happen if you watch the movie, I bet you die or something. In 1983 I started the Peter Falk Society for the Protection and Preservation of Endangered Species, or the PFSPPES, it was going to be great, we would travel the world saving endangered species, and championing good causes.
Sadly, no one knew about it and when I told them about it they laughed, so I shut it down and bought one of those fancy Austin Princess cars from the England instead, I wanted Columbo to drive one but they said that he wouldn't be as believable as a detective if he drove around town like a king.
I often wish I could have met a dodo, or a dragon, but I guess I never will, though I did meet Gary Wilmot once.
I think we are all Extinct Animals in a way. |
