Hello Princess, remember me? Yes, I am Dirty Dennis (used to be).
The people at H-B probably approached me to talk about War after seeing my daily battles with Angie! Well, to be fair, probably because I would be available after being caught having a pumping sesh on-line dressed as Captain Hook. War is a terrible thing, innocent people are often caught up in war and killed, for basically no reason.
In Eastenders "Nasty" Nick Cotton was just like War, always starting on someone smaller than himself, always hurting innocent people, and always turning up unannounced at Dot Cotton's door, tricking her into thinking he had changed and trying to kill her, well, I suppose that metaphor falls down there, princess.
I remember when the Falklands war was declared, I was in the toilet at the time having a poo, I remember thinking that war was a very bad thing, but then again, I hadn't done Fort Boyard yet. The Falklands came and went, and I was still a jobbing actor, I had to wait until 1985 to get my big break, to think, it would only last 20 years. I did spots on the T.V show cluedo as Colonel Mustard, and the Paradise Club, but Eastenders is where I was best, but that all fell apart when I decided to bash the bishop on my webcam.
People often say to me, "Hi Den (used to be) why aren't you on T.V. anymore, you were the best thing on the box, you should do everything on T.V., even the news and weather, and all the adverts, and all the Sky and stuff."
But I have to tell them, "Sorry, I agree, but since I got caught conducting a solo symphony, no one wants to know". Then, the people on the street usually cry and shake their heads, as if they have just seen their first born killed. I hope someone from television is reading this.
War is bad, much worse than having a pumping sesh on-line dressed as Captain Hook, after all, Ron Atkinson is back on T.V now and he is a racist or something, all I did was burp my worm.
People say that world war 1 was the great war, but it wasn't it was awful, loads of people died, all I did was shake hands with the management and I can't get arrested (again).
Historians often talk about the great atrocities in history, but surly the worst is me getting sacked for shaking white hot coconuts from the veiny love tree, I mean, what is all that about? It's perfectly natural, I saw Ian Beale do it out of his dressing room window onto a dog once, he was taking bets from Pauline Fowler, she held his driving gloves while he did it, no one mentions that. I once saw Oz cabs do it through a letterbox, Pat Butcher always did it, when he was in the gents.
In World War 2 Hitler was a bad guy, I mean, let's be honest, he was much worse than me, and I'm Dirty Dennis (used to be).
I hope this clears up war.
Dennis (Used to be)
(Please call my agent if you have any work, I promise I wont play the custard trumpet in public again, well, once at the most. I could probably get away with twice.)
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