A look into famous “career deaths”, with Michael Barrymore When Ted Bonobo asked me to write (or should I say “awwight!” – ha, ha, ha) an article on celebrities’ famous career ending moments, I was dubious that I would be able to fit it into my busy schedule. But as it happens, my mother cancelled at the last minute so I can hopefully lend less fortunate stars some of my vast wealth of knowledge from my years of experience.
Let us consider some case studies:
Oliver Reed
Oliver Reed will often be remembered for what he did off screen rather than the films he made. We all know that Oliver Reed liked to drink, but what we didn’t know when he was alive was that he grew up in a orphanage where he was forced to pick pockets by the owner of the orphanage, a rather nasty piece of work called Fagin. Reed clawed his way up from the gutter, only to often find his latter work overshadowed by his off screen antics. His habit of punching people meant that he never could have hosted a programme such as “My Kind Of People”. Eventually his death was the death of his career.
MC Hammer (or simply now “Hammer”)
After the success of his hit single “You Can’t Touch Me” (written to raise awareness of the plight of people without arms), MC Hammer’s extravagant lifestyle was his ultimate down fall. He spent money on lavish items such as televisions, cars, gold jewellery and pizza, without a thought for reinvestment. He bought huge houses with theme parks and employed numerous unnecessary staff (including life guards and people to operate the rides in his theme park)… maybe the theme park was someone else; I get confused between all these different musical legends. In any case, his downfall was money. This spend-thrift nature meant he could have never have hosted “Strike It Lucky”. Eventually bank robbery was the end of his career.
David Ike
David was originally a TV presenter of some kind or something. Later he found out that the band Queen and various other celebrities were alien lizards but nobody believed him. Eventually the infiltration of world governments was complete. If only he’d acted sooner – that was his downfall. Maybe then the world wouldn’t have been invaded by aliens posing as our friends... Maybe that was the programme “V”; I forget now.
Had all of these people simply confessed to being gay then everything would have been alright (or rather, “awwight!” – ha, ha, ha) and there would have been no further tabloid harassment.
I hope these words of wisdom help our future celebrities, such as big brother winner Nadia, avoid the same pitfalls others have, err, fallen into.
Michael.
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